What is the common response or gesture to someone we love? In stories, literature, lore, and almost everything, we see total self-sacrifice on the altar of love.
Ego eats that up; really, Ego instigates and promotes this notion of love or any other brand of relationship being proved by becoming subservient to the needs and desires of others. Most of the time, refined, socially-encouraged Ego would say we should be willing to give and sacrifice for others. Sometimes, exceptions arise and crude, cruel, consciously Heart-rejecting individuals will bulldoze others, society and individuals, to take what they want.
Unfortunately, many look up to such individuals who get what they want through selfishness; they consider them wise business geniuses or savvy self-preservationists. Neither values the core Self of others. I consider them assholes. I do not mean all business leaders and certainly not all wealthy leaders, but there are plenty falling into the asshole category. I choose not to interact with them, and if I happen to come in contact with them, I would not be close-minded as I may sound here!
What problem does this Ego-model of relationship present? When we don’t hit the mark of pleasing others, it’s interpreted as lack of love, not listening to or meeting the needs of the other, proof of not being committed to the relationship or not reciprocating. In other words, if you don’t do what I think is right for me, you aren’t really interested in the relationship.
The Heart-model, though, would have us develop any relationship by asking of the other to give. If we desire to develop a relationship, we don’t ask what we can do for others or what they want or expect. We ask others to give of core Self: “What is your purpose? How does it apply to me?” And any of a thousand other questions.
Asking these sorts of questions really is not selfish. In other words, we ask others about themselves, to show us who they really are, to live their personal truth within the context of the relationship. We only ask for what we can get out of a relationship from the natural overflow of core Self, i.e., we are inviting them to live their core Self, Heart identity during time we spend together.
That begins the mutual involvement. When I ask of anyone to share Self, gifts, passion, purpose, to interact with me, I do have Heart-responsibility: receive what the other offers. This is what we so often refer to as unconditional love: accept others for who and what they are.
Obviously, relationships aren’t built on a formula; however, this mindset of mutually-assured blessing works. There is a caveat: this works when both parties are using Heart as the primary operating system. It leads to what I have written so much about: the fellowship of the Heart.
When one of the parties operates from Ego, problems will arise. Any relationship presents challenges, but Heart guidance produces growth — not perfection. Perfection is way overrated. Ego-problems, though, usually mean more serious consequences, and they reveal another aspect of observable human behaviors described by the Ego-Heart dynamic within us.
I like the idea of mutually assured blessing. I ask another to give of Self, which is their expression of love and what they desire to do anyway. Then, I receive that Self with gratitude. The other is blessed; I am blessed. We both grow. We can discuss honestly and challenge one another honestly without endangering the relationship. Yeah, that’s pretty awesome — and not all that common. It could be, though.
I had thought to share a bit of the novel tonight, but that will wait. Enough to think about here. Seems to me many questions could arise from this, so I’ll leave it here.
So, what do you have to offer me? Who are you, and why are you here? You have seen some of myself in these words, and I hope they bless you.
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!