When we do not consciously choose Heart, Ego is the default life filter and energy source for our personality. Ego is that part of humans that has been programmed into us as our factory-given operating system. We needed something from birth to help us in some way to relate to this world, people, and the universe, and that something is ego. From the beginning, ego takes all data input and begins to formulate it into actions and reactions in order to help us survive in our society, our environment. It creates command codes: “When this happens, you do this, feel this, think this.” It runs deep, especially when a child never chooses heart over ego, because the child has never been encouraged to know Self, to know that there is an alternative operating system in the same person which could be chosen and used.
Much of the input of my childhood was used by my ego to protect me very deeply, simply because of my personal situation. It was as if my ego buried itself deep in that little part of my soul that had become wounded and become a sticky, gunky, thick, gooey swamp. It wasn’t all of me, but it was enough for my ego to use. Everything programmed from such a place makes it difficult to have much self-esteem or personal freedom because you react negatively to everyone and are always on the lookout for hurt. You try to make sure and fit in or to stand out or to be on the defensive or the offensive. Like I said, a sticky, icky mess, but my ego did its job to preserve as best it could.
So much more was available, and I felt it and heard it during that same childhood of pain. This internal conflict was ever a part of me, and my awakening into the reality of who I am occurred gradually, in an evolutionary process. My ego fooled me at various times into buying into comforting, apparently new directions, but they were no different — simply others trying to have me believe, think, and behave in prescribed ways with which my ego felt comfortable, accepted, protected by a group thought process and belief system. I am sure that was fine for some and in accord with their hearts, but as soon as the effort is made to have everyone fall into formation, it becomes an ego thing.
I kept seeking, and my heart kept speaking. My awakening has been ongoing, but the more recent realizations of the extent and power of it over the past number of years have included a process of painfully reaching into that mucky part of me and pulling my ego into the light. Yes, ego will always strive for its goals, but Heart, now, will not allow it to determine life paths, actions, and reactions.
It is good to recognize what is going on in my whole being, to discern when ego or heart is acting. Ego recognition helps me realize my comfort zones, what I’m trying to protect. This drives me to my heart for enlightenment and progress — getting out of the comfort zones and into the spirit of growth. I have no wish or peace in remaining in a life with no challenges, with perfection as a goal because that amounts to a slough of stagnation, the same slough from which I plucked my unhappy ego. Challenge and change are healthy, and my heart leads me into them and through them.
How? Well, knowing my heart means I know who I am as core Self, and I determine how to express that core Self to the world. It is ironic that as humans we are born to connect with all of life, but the default setting of ego is to isolate and/or insulate us in so many subtle ways. The expression of my heart is my expression of love to the world. It drives me to connect with the world, and I believe that is why we all arrived here from the very beginning.
And that brings me back to my Grand Unified Theory of Humanity. When each of us hears our heart and comes into line with that general principle of love and purpose, we are free to shine our unique beauties and self to the world and live in significance and fulfillment. My purpose to help others discover Self, purpose, and passion derives from this belief. To tell others what to do, well, that is fruitless, but to share the reality of the heart and self-awakening — well, that is why I have written a novel and titled it as I did: The Fellowship of the Heart.
We all have Ego and Heart. We choose which processing system we will use. I know I’ve written previously about it, but it was on my heart this morning to pen these words! My sincerest desire for all of us is that we each move Onward and Upward!