Today has been a challenge, one of my own creation. I have thought for a week that I would struggle to write tonight’s article. Think it enough, say it enough, and it will be so — well, with the right energy and actions.
I didn’t want it to be, but Ego works in mysterious ways. I have pointed out before the dynamics of the contraries of Ego and Heart operating within each of us. It makes for creation and progress because the contrast between the two highlights possibilities when we choose Heart to be our primary operating system.
A big part of early personality formation occurs through Ego; that’s part of its complex, multifaceted function. Part of my personality includes self-sabotage in the form of not finishing things. I come close, see the possibilities, and then procrastinate or quit. Some would say if I know this, why in the hell do I allow it. I don’t know, fully, but I’m getting there.
Am I happy about that? No, so I keep learning and growing. Heart-light shows me these things, clarifies them, and in a variety of ways helps me advance. I say advance because if I or anyone else repeats Ego patterns of behavior, we remain stuck short of the good things we dream of. Dreams are beneficial, even necessary, but they alone don’t get us anywhere.
When I finished my 500th article last night, I knew it was a milestone. I wanted to, on some level, let down. Take a break. However, my goal was never to write 500 posts. My mission is to help others discover, and one of the goals of that mission is to get some books published. I don’t have even one yet — part of that self-sabotage because by all rights I should have two done and a third and fourth well along.
I have learned, though. I haven’t quit. I met with my graphic designer today. I will keep writing to help others discover. I may not always do so every day, but I know for now it is from my Heart. My books will be published; however, if I were not in fellowship with my Heart, desiring to be self-aware, I can guarantee that this would not happen. I would find some way through Ego to perfectly rationalize why I need to do something else.
Shaking loose of Ego’s deeply ingrained patterns on our personality requires some work. We need to recognize when one of these shadow selves of Ego creation affects us. Being in fellowship with my Heart allows me to connect with Spirit, the Universe, and the energies of life that when used in concert with Heart create the magic and miracles that make a difference. The magic is always there around us; we need Heart to grab hold of it. When we become self-aware, as I have described my propensities to procrastinate and quit, then we need to face them, face the source, bring those shadows into the light, and experience the magic of life in breakthroughs.
Just because I wanted to, I read Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s The Rime of the Ancient Mariner today. Well, I really needed just some refreshment, and poetry can do that for me. The first thing that popped into my mind was this poem.
In the poem, the mariner for no apparent reason kills an albatross. He experiences guilt and regret as it ended up costing the lives of 200 of his mates. His soul is tormented. He is all alone with 200 dead bodies, eyes wide open, eyes staring at him with curses, and he is at the point of death: “Alone, alone, all, all alone, / Alone on a wide wide sea! / And never a saint took pity on / My soul in agony.” Alone is the only way we can deal with those things that are part of our personality that through Ego cause us to act inconsistently with the natural laws of the Universe, of Spirit, of life — alone in our own souls. Even if someone came in and took over my book now and produced and published it, I would know I hadn’t learned. (I mean alone in the sense we have to make the ultimate choice. I do NOT mean we shouldn’t get help to arrive at that point.)
How does the resolution of this part of the mariner’s story occur? Only when he faces the source of a shadow self, one for whom he has no explanation when he kills the albatross, one that doesn’t value all life or recognize Spirit operative in all. When he faces this, he changes.
After killing the bird, the ship is stranded in a weirdly supernatural, becalmed sea. For a full week, he prayed for death but the ship didn’t move, no water, no food. Finally, he looks out on the coppery colored sea at night and sees the phosphorescent trails of the water snakes. It hits him. Life energy, Spirit is in all creatures. His shadow self had made him focus on only his own misery on the becalmed sea, at which point he killed the albatross and incurred all the negative energy.
Life, he realizes, is beautiful and valuable, even the “slimy things” in that supernatural sea. Referring to the water snakes, he says this: “Within the shadow of the ship / I watched their rich attire: / Blue, glossy green, and velvet black, / They coiled and swam; and every track / Was a flash of golden fire. // O happy living things! no tongue / Their beauty might declare: / A spring of love gushed from my heart, / And I blessed them unaware…” Then, he finds he could pray, which he hadn’t been able to do, and the albatross, which the other sailors had made him hang around his neck, falls off into the sea.
Long explanation, but I enjoyed reading the poem again. And I did get that takeaway: face the shadows of Ego with the vision of Heart and know the magic of life rushing to help us grow and be blessed.
And here is 501!
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!