“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” Lao Tzu
Self-confidence can be overplayed; it can be underplayed; however, it is always played — one way or the other.
Performance, life actions, the outcomes of life, my life, depend on me. My decisions, behaviors, and the consequences of those depend on what I believe — no matter how or why I chose those beliefs. And my confidence, trust, in my own ability to choose beliefs and then qualify them as valid enough to be motivation to live based on them defines self-confidence. My self-awareness of that has little to do with the reality of it. My degree of self-confidence is illustrated by what I do and how I do it.
I express self-confidence in different degrees based on what I’m doing, what I’m acting on. For instance, if I’m working with a student or teaching in front of a group, I’m highly confident in my beliefs and my methods and techniques. However, sometimes home repairs like putting in a new light fixture, replacing plumbing, or weather-proofing a door — when it comes to those things, I’m not so sure of myself, but I have enough self-confidence to know I can learn, to know that I can figure it out, at least enough to give it a try (which I have on many projects — not always successfully!).
The big picture things, though, the things I have chosen to live as purpose, vision, mission, and goals, those things require great self-confidence for contentment, for our own peace. When I die, I assume some sort of memorial will take place. When that happens, people will have their own opinions of me, but one thing is for sure. If anyone speaks about me, that person will not make a case that my life could have been different if only — if only I had a better childhood, if only she had supported me more, if only that school district had given me another job. No, my life will be reviewed and evaluated based on what I did; it’s all on me. Which leads me to this point: It’s all on me right now.
Therefore, while others may have their opinions, evaluations of me, ideas for how I could do things better — all of which I would hear if rendered with honesty and good intent — the only thing that matters in the end is the confidence I have in myself to do what I create as my Purpose. Others’ opinions about that essence of me do not matter.
I reveal my degree of self-confidence in my life Purpose, my Vision, and my Mission through my persistence. Whether it’s good or bad, right or wrong, I’m doing it. Perseverance. Persistence. Grit.
But here’s the kicker, for anyone: What is the motive force for my self-confidence? People can be counted a success whether they have self-confidence through Ego or Heart. If I’m acting through Heart, I will be far more confident, fulfilled, and significant. Heart encourages risk in the face of censure; Ego will almost always cause us to question and cave and make other choices that may look good to everyone else but leave us unhappy. Confidence in the Ego-operated self will usually end up negatively; confidence in Heart, core Self, reaps huge happiness rewards.
Self-confidence in the big things of our own creation allows us to live in happiness. That’s it, my friend. How confident are we in our own core Self, Heart identity and our co-created purpose? No pressure is implied here — only a check. Are we happy in doing our thing every day? Are we content in knowing Self and accepting our own creation? It shows, and others — deep down — want to see if we believe our own shit or not, to put it bluntly!
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Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!