Looking for a Great Relationship? I’ve Got Someone in Mind!

If you are reading this, you are in a relationship with me, loosely speaking. If you are consuming oxygen, you are engaged in an incredible number of relationships, in fact. We arrive on this scene to be in relationships, make connections.

This basic element of existence gives life texture, meaning, and purpose — oh, and don’t forget it also supports the mental health professions and associated support industries. 2016 will probably see just a shade under $200 billion expenditures on mental health care. That is not total cost of mental health problems, because that has no bearing on lost work days or other physical problems caused by mental health problems.

I’m not doing research here past this, but most of these issues are pretty directly tied to problems in relationships. People hurt when connections to almost any aspect of life significant to them are disrupted or severed, so professionals are required, and great professionals are sorely needed.

I saw the effects of relationship problems many times in education. I won’t even begin to breach the devastating, crushing issues and circumstances I was privy to as a trusted teacher. But as someone who others perceive to be a good listener, over the years I have heard just as many horror stories from adults. I know your natural tendency might be to want to know specifics, but it’s just too yucky to do that. I have also experienced my fair share of relationship issues, so I know the feelings and consequences of relationship problems. Everyone does.

Do you know who really, really does, though? Egos. Yes, when we are threatened — and disruption in a primary life element like relationships is a threat — egos kick into high gear. Do any of the following, out of the thousands of questions I could spend days on end writing, sound familiar?

Is there a way to calculate cost to benefit ratio for relationships? What about ROI (Return on Investment)? Do they care as much for me as I do for them? Why do they always wait for me to say something, do something, make the first move, mess up, give the best gift, start a conversation…(and the list could go on ad infinitum)? Why won’t he or she do what I want them to do? If he loves me, he would make me happy, wouldn’t he? Why doesn’t she pay more attention to me? What more could I possibly do? What are they looking for from me? Don’t they see how freakin’ hard I work for them, so why don’t they recognize me? Why won’t she love me back the way I love her? Why can’t they see I’m right?

Each and every one of those questions is a product of Ego. How do I know? All of those questions create more problems, do nothing to restore, extend, or strengthen relationships. They are all selfishly centered. I can guarantee you if you have a conflict with someone else and ask any question remotely similar to those, you will get nothing out of it except for your ego feeling better and in the process placing a harder, thicker shell around you, isolating you even further.
Therefore, let me move to my inevitable point. Not one relationship in your life or mine can begin to be what it should be or is capable of being without establishing the essential relationship with Heart. We must awaken to who we are.

Can you answer the questions yet, “Who am I, really? What does that say about my purpose in being on this earth?” You MUST be able to answer those questions if you would avoid even minor forays into mental health issues, at least avoid the necessity of professional care and loss of living your life purpose.

Awakening to core Self by choosing Heart as the framework, filter, guide, confidant, and love allows us to establish healthy, profitable, fulfilling, significant relationships with the rest of this amazing creation in which we live. Oh, how much we miss of this beautiful life when we don’t come to see the beautiful Self that we are at Heart core. When we see and know Self and when we daily walk in the fellowship of the heart, everything looks different. Our brains work differently and our mind and thoughts evaluate, analyze, synthesize, and conclude in the most mature way of all — LOVE.

When we know our Heart and discover our personal truth and core Self, we have purpose, and purpose puts us in right relationship to the world and everyone in it. Specifics may become complex — especially if ego creeps back in, which it does — but always going back to purpose and Heart sets us right. Heart relationship, once established, known, and owned, will not allow us to become bound in relationships with others or circumstances and situations which deter us from living our personally created life purpose.

In the fellowship of the heart, we can relate to anyone and anything in equanimity, in peace, in love, and in passion, too, when required, but never in despair, hopelessness, hatred, or loss of love. Love, such an expansive, enlightening, embracing concept, one that puts us right with the world. True love begins with loving oneself, knowing Heart, and learning and walking in the identity of core Self, not egoic self.

​I don’t think I’m in danger of putting any health care professionals out of work, and I deeply appreciate those who practice according to their heart; however, I would like to make their work a lot easier and more rewarding. And I could do nothing more effective or greater for you than encouraging you to meet yourSelf. You’ll find a pretty awesome being there in your own Heart!