Okay, I am going to share here what I have not shared before. I definitely have some, not total but some, OCD tendencies. I understand the panic that arises from things not being done the way they are “supposed” to be done. For the first time in over a year, I did not publish a Morning Pages — or later version. Many feelings of fear of losing followers, being considered unreliable, or a fraud, or other fears flooded my soul earlier today.
How did this happen? I am going to share this all in short order. I’m exhausted, it’s late, and other things happened today that I count as the magic of following my Heart. No other explanation. I just hope I have not let folks down.
Here are the stories. First, I met a young man who came to our door selling smart home security systems. He came by on Wednesday, and he was a good salesman, but that means little to me in terms of buying shit. I know what they’re doing and how they do it. However, when I spent almost an hour speaking to him on the front porch, I knew we had a Heart connection based on our discussion. If that wasn’t enough, he knocked on the door this morning out of genuine courtesy based on my interest the other night. We decided to allow him to play his three minute video.
Yeah, he sold us a system — great deal with Vivint! However, when he told me his Heart-vision of being an illustrator of animations, showed me some of his portfolio, told me of his and his significant other’s health challenges, and asked me for advice, it was beyond a sale. When he followed up an hour after he left asking for more information and ways to connect, requesting if he could see me next week, this confirmed that it was a Heart-connection — more than a sale. It may not seem much to many; to me, however, it thrills my soul.
Because of this — and the installation of the most amazing system I’ve seen, done within an hour — I did not get my “Pages” post written and published. Ugh! I knew I valued the blessing of this fellowship and connection, but my Ego raged. So irrational, but I welcomed it. I got it. I wouldn’t have in the past. Ego really doesn’t want me to pursue the course of nonconformity I am on; however, if Ego could make me feel so horrible about not posting as usual, it knew I could be led to consider just quitting. No, I will not. Besides, this type of connection is the reality of the things I write about — the value of fellowship, connections, and a practical love.
Yes, I understood that, but on a normal day, I would still have been able to produce my “Pages.” Not today, though, because we had tickets, very expensive tickets, to the St. Louis Cardinals ballgame. We had to leave. We did. Only a half hour behind schedule. While I enjoyed getting to the stadium, having some great food and drinks, lots of drinks, I knew in the back of my mind I did not publish a “Pages” post. (I actually wrote four lines, but I kept getting interrupted.) I posted two pics of our evening with captions, but I knew…
Who I didn’t know was the younger couple we would meet at the ballgame. While we watched the game, our conversation — within the confines of a relatively exclusive section of the stadium with all-inclusive amenities — centered around not only baseball but also life and, specifically, my writing and philosophy. Several hours. Wonderful connections. Blessed connections, I would say.
And here is my point this evening: I write about the value and experiences I have had concerning such times and ties as this. I would not knowingly shun living such opportunities in favor of simply writing about the philosophy of such times. Heart-connections are precious, sacred, and they should be honored as such, honored with yielding to live the realities instead of espousing the philosophy.
Here are the pros and cons of today: I didn’t get a “Pages” published. I did stay connected with my tribe on social media. I am getting my article for Day 505 published here. And the best pro of today is I have an appointment to see the salesman of our smart home security system on Monday; that is a done deal, so his visit has little to do with that. Then, we already have tomorrow morning brunch scheduled with the younger couple from the ballpark. I’d say those are positive, blessed trade-offs for missing a post.
Do you hear that, Ego? Lol! Very loud! My encouragement to any reading these words is to always live your truth, show your Heart, rather than just talking or telling about it. Much more sacred and healthy for Heart-energized souls and minds. Living truth instead of talking about it results in or is an issue of that magic of living in Heart-energy. Try it. You’ll like it!
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!