When I think about my dreams, hopes, passions, and work, how do I take stock of myself? When I think in an evaluative way, am I judging myself? Do I compare myself to others who I judge as superior to me? Do I contrast myself with those who may not look as “successful” as me? Do I judge all this based on how much income is involved, how much property, how big the house, what degrees or titles others have?
I am definitely not a data-driven type guy. It does little to motivate me and less to inform my decisions, not only for education but also for life. While I use and don’t discount quantitive metrics, I definitely give more credence to qualitative frameworks. And when I think about my life — what I do day to day, how I do it, who I interact with and how we encourage one another — I want to do so with Heart. There’s just no other way for me to go than a conscious decision to work in fellowship with my Heart.
I have been thinking about my work and where I am heading over the next few months. I know what I want to do, and what anyone else thinks of that is immaterial to me. I know Ego wants to weigh in, but the longer I practice using the Heart operating system, the more effective my ability to accurately evaluate myself becomes.
Why? Comprehending my true nature still amazes me, thrills me, and encourages me. I am eternal Spirit with this physical existence holding and seasoning that piece of Spirit through the soul, mind, and body complex of Michael DePung.
In The Fellowship of the Heart, Anne Lafarnge is coming to this knowledge, awakening to that truth of Spirit in her, of her core Self identity. I will share some of what she is thinking in a continuation of last night’s post. Anne is speaking with her own Heart.
What nurtured this prey drive, Anne? Do you know?
“I do now. It is my ego, my own ego.”
What are you saying?
“I know it, feel it. My ego, the drive I have to succeed by beating others like Stan Boyle, that is powerful and looks like success.”
Hasn’t it been for you, Anne? Aren’t you in the position you have fought for so long?
She silenced herself and just breathed a few more times before whispering again. “Yes, that’s how I know my desire to beat others who represent bullies like Ronald is strong. It sounds good, in a way, but it’s not for me. It’s not for me because I’m not happy. Why am I not happy?”
You have the answer. You are the only one who does. What do you want?
“I want to be happy. I want peace like Eric has.”
No, do not seek any of this in reference to another person. This is you and me. Only. No comparisons. No judgments. How do you want to be happy?
Anne sat in silence for some number of breaths. “I don’t want anything. I am You, am I not? I am happy, right here, right now. I have understanding. I have peace. I…”
What is the thought, Anne? Say it. I hear you.
“I am my own truth, my own light. I know that ego has controlled me, even though it looks good to others. It’s all about my understanding and intentions. I am spirit, You. I am You, Heart, Spirit. That’s it, isn’t it?”
Yes, Anne, that’s it. This is the truth of your power — not your ability to crush others, even ‘bad’ others, but your ability to know your existence is eternal. You are. I am. We exist. It begins here for us.
She continued to breathe rhythmically, purposefully for a few more seconds. Then, she gasped. “I am…”
Who are you?
“I am eternal Spirit in this body. I am Anne Moreven Lafarnge.”
She heard Eric on the stairs. “Anne, are you awake?” Eric entered the room.
Anne took one deep breath and turned around. “Hey, I’ve been awake since you went downstairs. Well, not quite that long.” She smiled broadly.
“You amuse yourself, do you?” Eric laughed as he set the tray of food and drinks down.
“I’ve got something to tell you. Big.”
“Something happened since I’ve been downstairs?” He chuckled, looked at her, and stopped smiling.
“Something did happen. What?”
This is something big. To understand and know Self, to comprehend that eternal Spirit dwells within us, becomes us within the whole “us” package means we have power that we little use because of Ego being there, too. However, Spirit knowing this is part of the deal still worked all this together in love. We were part of that deal, part of that original thought, and chose to come here and participate in this creation in this body. Big deal, very big.
So when we evaluate ourselves, let’s remember to not condemn ourselves. No, that would be condemning Spirit. Now, we can ream Ego and fire it from being our primary operating system, but that’s not the same as self-judgment, condemnation of self that may lead to hatred and on to…Anything I put here is Ego, and it’s enough to know that, address your Heart, and start a conversation.
Blessings at the beginning of a new week of exploration and discovery of your wonderful Self!
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!