Heart-grief, Sacred Tears, and Ego-grief: Choices

Last night I wrote about laughter. Tonight, I write about death and grieving and sacred tears.

My aunt died the other day, and tomorrow is her funeral, which I will officiate. Really, it will be a simple few minutes. It’s the way my aunt and her family want it. I think they’re being pretty real.

In fact, at the age of 93, my aunt lived a long time. That would be insignificant if she hadn’t lived life knowing who she was and doing what she wanted as that one. Not many folks can answer those questions directly, decidedly: Who are you, and what do you really want to do with your life?

My aunt did, and even though she did, I have still shed some tears. However, I classify them as sacred tears, blessed tears, each drop in some way containing appreciation for another in blessing us with their love or appreciation for knowing that they lived the essence of Spirit in them the best they could. Sacred tears are shed when we evaluate and feel the blessings of love given by eternal Spirit.

Some people, though, good, loving, caring, and tender-souled people, grieve passively for years. This kind of grief exudes tears of self-pity that can grow into debilitating sorrow that hardens like cement in the pit of the stomach. It makes folks feel dead to life and act dead in reference to many things. Sometimes, they blame and even hate the deceased for the negative impact on their life or the lives of others. Sometimes, those who grieve passively allow the emotion to take over their life; they do so out of guilt. All of this destructive, negative processing of grief is really a default setting in us. This is Ego-grief, and it needs to be recognized. People experiencing this sort of grief need professional, caring help, and they usually need to be assisted in seeing that need and getting that help.

No, not everyone has led what we would call exemplary lives, sometimes just the opposite, but in every single creature, a part of life energy inhabits them, and at the very least, that energy can be discerned, even after the hatred and blame or guilt and remorse that we sometimes feel.

Heart-grief, though, recognizes loss, actively values what has been lost, and grows because of it. Even Heart-grief takes time for most of us, some longer than others, but it still is a positive process that keeps moving us forward in life. It will make us stronger in our abilities to move through challenges, empathize and sympathize with others, and help us to show our core Self and live Purpose. Heart-grief helps us to adjust emotionally in a positive way.

Part of experiencing this type of grief comes from being in fellowship with our own Heart and being in the fellowship of the Heart with others. And sometimes, that other may be one who has been lost. The veil is thin that separates us who still house eternal Sprit in mortal bodies and those who have given up the body and released Heart, that piece of Spirit inhabiting us. We can, and I do, speak often with loved ones or friends who no longer have bodies but are very much alive as spirit.

And this is comforting. Such times help me evaluate the beauty of their lives, the things I didn’t or couldn’t see about them when they were here. I gain insight into my life many times. Yes, make the most of the time we have here; love and enjoy the hell out of life. Make sure others know you love them and make sure you sense love from others. No matter how you cut it, the mortal body time here is short in comparison to history, and we came here to get as much from it as we can.

Therefore, when a loved one passes on from the body, I do grieve, but I don’t passively let the emotion of grief control me. I repeat: I choose to grieve, to actively grieve, to participate in Heart-grief that processes life and loss in the fulness of love, blessing, and appreciation.

When I do this, when I communicate with loved ones who have passed on, I consciously and sometimes physically can sense their care and understanding. I feel joy, smile, and sometimes even laugh.

So I will be grieving tonight some more as well as tomorrow. While I would appreciate your positive energy for strength and processing events and relationships, do not pity me. I choose to grieve and do so actively. I accept the sacred tears that will flow.

​And I wish you much blessing in any grief you may need to process — past, present, or future.