I told you last night, didn’t I? I’m unstuck. My heart helped me process some really significant internal conflict I had, some real shit I needed to break down and shed heart-light on. And that was an amazing, freeing, blessed time this morning. Faith in myself, my heart, the Spirit and Universe — so freakin’ awesome.
Maybe I overplayed this, because this is only the draft of a rewrite of my novel, The Fellowship of the Heart, and maybe it won’t seem like much to you, especially if you’re not current with my posts. However, here is how Eric begins to realize, with the processing and fellowship of his heart, his personal truth.
Eric looked down at his pad before he answered. He saw the words scrawled in semi-calligraphic styles, over and over again: “Justice. Inequity. Just. Morals. Rebel.” No mystery here. “Jack, I didn’t think you noticed, not anyone for that matter.”
“God, Eric, you’re not that naive. If one person knows or sees something in any organization, you better assume that everyone knows when it comes to reputation. People like to talk.”
“Of course you’re right, Jack. And you’re right about no fire, no drive. I don’t need ambition. I saw you looking at my scribbles here. Look there — ‘Justice. Rebel.’ In a sense, that’s the fire I’ve been lacking.”
“Okay, wonderful, but your lack of ambition, no matter what else you call it, has been noted by people you really don’t want to notice such things. Peter and I have pushed for you to be made partner. You wanted the goddam status, and you have been moping around for a couple months.”
“Whoa, Jack, where’s this coming from. You sound like my wife.”
“You should take a few lessons from Anne. Peter, the other partners, and I keep track of public dealings that could affect possible partners. Anne must know how to play the game.”
“It’s no game to me, Jack. And Anne is an accomplished engineer and leader.”
“Shit, Eric, just shit. You don’t become a partner or the first female senior associate in a firm with the clout of Paragon without playing politics. It’s a fucking game and you know it. That’s what you seem to have opted out of. And Peter and I have basically groomed you for this. We told you to save your pennies for the goddam buy-in. Wake the fuck up, Eric.” Jack’s voice had risen.
Eric looked at him very calmly. He heard the voice in his own head: Your heart, Eric, not the firm’s opinion. You see the words on your pad. What is your truth? What do you really want? In the few seconds in which Eric heard his heart, he had risen deliberately, walked from behind his desk and around Jack, and closed his office door.
Jack stood collecting his thoughts after his little tirade. He was shocked to see Eric move as he did.
“Jack, I’m very sure of what I want for right now. I don’t give a shit about partnerships or the partners’ opinions of me or my wife. I want to fight for this young lady and her family. I want to rub this stinking decision in the face of the smug asshole legislators who passed such a piece of shit legislation for political, electable advantage, not to mention in the face of that nitwit, bought-off judge. I will win.”
Jack smiled. “Eric, that’s the fire I’m talking about. Looks like Peter and I were right on target. You’re going to make a great partner, but a little prioritizing may be in line.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not about individual cases when you’re a partner. It’s about power, appearances, and control. Cases come and go. We’ll talk more later.”
Eric, who sat back down, now stood and leaned across his desk. “Bullshit, Jack. I’ve made a lot of money for this firm, and I don’t need a priority lecture. I’m a big boy, and I will stay focused on justice for people like Ms. Oprimida.”
“Don’t be so melodramatic. We’re not sacrificing clients here. You just need to take on a different role with a different attitude.”
The voice spoke again: Let it go for now. It’s enough. “Jack, let me get to work. I’m sure we’ll talk later.”
What happens when we recognize our personal truth, when we are engaged in or headed towards a created life purpose? We gain confidence in the face of opposition, common sense, practicality, prevailing wisdom, the press for conformity. Enough said.
Whether for fictional characters or for you or me, the Carl Jung quote from two days ago has direct application here, has helped to inform me through my stuck-ness: “I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become.” Eric is choosing to become a fighter for justice based on his Heart. He is beginning the wonderful process of co-creation. More about that tomorrow, maybe.
I will see what my heart says!
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!