I love how complex we are as human beings. Amazing creatures, amazing minds, amazing psyches, amazing bodies. We are the whole package, and not many of us know or actively appreciate how incredible we are.
Why bring this obviousness up? As I have been reworking The Fellowship of the Heart, I have decided to give more background to the characters, at least more exposure, to give them more depth and help readers understand and respond to them.
In doing this, I have discovered some things about myself. I realize the context for these characters must have their root in our realities. Now, I cannot include everyone’s realities in the sense of everyone’s experiences. For instance, when I hear conversations Eric, and ultimately others, have with their own heart, that is my experience. Others, probably many others, haven’t processed or experienced this interaction with their own heart in this way, but it is authentic.
And so are things like memories that have created shadow selves (Jung) who populate our psyche, those aspects, sub-entities of our personality, ego responses and constructs to traumas, at least in part. When they are left in the shadows, when they are not exposed and discovered by Heart-light, then they can hold us back in pursuit of life Purpose.
Of course, discovering life Purpose only happens when we discover our own core Self through Heart. Many times the challenges we face in living core Self result directly from the resistance of Ego through some shadow self.
If we seek Heart with questions about resistance or lack of progress or any of dozens of possible hindrances, we can expect exposure of a shadow self. We need to know them, understand them, let them have their voice in Heart-light in order to be more complete; we learn to let go of their traumas and enjoy them making up part of the richness of who we are.
This is complex, but it is part of my experience and that of Eric Lafarnge in the novel. Carl Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Powerful. And this is why we must awaken to the voice of the Heart — if we don’t wish to be victims, if we want to live in freedom of soul and spirit, if we want to love and be loved.
Heart is the mechanism, the aspect of self, that makes “the unconscious conscious,” those shadow selves and all associated thoughts, actions, reactions, frameworks, reasoning produced through ego. As I’ve said, a person isn’t evil or inferior who doesn’t awaken to self, but they are going to be unfulfilled and occasionally wondering who they are and what they are doing here on planet Earth.
And I have added some of this element to the beginning of the novel. Here it is.
The bloodied little boy looked all around. His parents weren’t there. Cars were stopping. “Mom! Dad? I’m hurt. Help me, please! Where are you?” He could barely raise his head.
“Shhh! Hush, boy. You need to lie still.” No one else had made it to him yet, but this man thrust his face close to the boy’s. “I said to shut up, boy. You will hurt worse if you speak, I’ll make sure of that.”
The little boy’s eyes widened in terror. He recognized the face. This was the angry man who kept getting closer and closer to his family’s car. This was the man who had a gun and pointed it at his dad. This was the man…
Before the man could say another word, someone who knew what to do in a medical emergency arrived in a sprint, pulled the man away, and started tending to the boy. The car, not more than fifty feet away, was consumed in an inferno.
The next memory jumped over a year into the future. The woman who had saved Eric’s life and pulled the angry man away remembered the man and gave a description to the police. Other people remembered little bits, enough to find the threatening man.
The courtroom. The announcement. Not guilty. The man looking straight at the boy, older now, and sneering at him. Scream! Scream! Scream! No sound emerged from his throat. They all knew he did it. The man killed his parents. He was free because of the law, “technicalities” the judge had said, and the mean lawyer made his story sound false.
Scream! Unfair. Scream, Eric, scream! No sound. No voice. Who would tell the truth? Who would tell his story?
“Scream, Eric! Scream!” Eric heard it, knew it was in his head, and tried to ignore it.
No, I won’t. Then, the vision followed, just as it had for months now.
Eric Lafarnge strode quickly out of the modern, glass-faced high rise that housed the five floors of Actov and Colboard, along with many other business concerns. The building reflected the mature oak and pine trees in the strip park opposite. He breathed deeply at the bottom of the marble stairs, briefly closing his eyes and looking up towards the noonday sun.
His reputation at the prestigious law firm run by Jack Actov and Peter Colboard had grown quickly, especially in his area of government litigation. He had won several civil suits against the state of Missouri, but none of that seemed important just then. He only wanted to breathe and think.
Peace, I just want my mind to stop racing.
Spying a secluded bench in the broad strip of park land dividing the boulevard, he marched with purpose to claim the spot. The forest green wood and wrought iron bench sat at one end of a reflecting pool bordered by flat granite. Before he sat down, he stood transfixed gazing into the clear water reflecting the light azure sky.
What am I doing with my life? What do I want to do? I don’t even recognize myself anymore. And why is that horrible time and memory part of this?
“Why, indeed, Eric?” He heard these words, and he knew it was within him. No one else was around. It was the same voice that had been telling him to scream in the memory.
Whenever we hear the voice of Heart, we will only ever profit by responding to it, engaging it. Really!
But the decision will always be yours. Just remember, though, that to blame a lack of living a life purpose cannot be blamed on fate. You are the fate. You and I can create our own fate through the fellowship of the heart.
Are we going to allow Ego to pull the strings of our life and blame other forces, or are we going to engage Heart to realize how truly amazing we are? I choose Heart, co-creating my own life Purpose, love, and peace.
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!