Almost five years ago, I finally had a full, conscious encounter with my Heart, a specific evening when I came to fully know Self, unhindered by Ego. Now, that does not mean Ego was not present; it just did not get a say. I chose Heart, to speak to, listen to, and filter all my thoughts and emotions through.
What else happened that evening, you know, besides discovering Self? Well, you probably know the answer if you follow my work at all. For anyone thinking Heart-based choices, processing, and energy means something soft, fuzzy, and squishy, you’re wrong. Ego lies through using rationalizations in influencing emotions and mind to isolate us in myriad contradictory ways. Heart makes us face where we are in life, leads us to ask the tough questions, and asks us to make decisions.
That night, my Heart asked me, worked through my mind and soul, to make me choose: “What is your purpose? What do you want to do? What have you always felt? It’s here; in us.” That night I knew I wanted to really focus on discovery and to express my discoveries in written and any communication arts forms that worked with it.
What I didn’t know that night was how much I didn’t know — about the auxiliary skills I would need if I planned on publishing. Editors, graphic designers, readers, marketing that encompass skills many devote their lives to. I am damn glad I didn’t know about it all beforehand.
I still don’t know evrything I need to know, but sometimes ignorance eliminates the stumbling blocks of fear and analysis paralysis. I know enough to know how much I don’t know. In fact, as a teacher, I know it helps to have some knowledge, but there is no reality to knowledge until it is required. I will get it when I need it.
However, for three years, I meandered in my writing because I felt I needed to learn so much. I didn’t, though, until I had a body of work. I was passionate about and wrote poetry, some good and some not. My Ego let me know I couldn’t produce an income, and that made me question everything. At times, well-meaning souls — friends, acquaintances, former colleagues — just asked simple questions. I took their questions as criticism because I couldn’t answer if I would be able to sell my work and make money.
This was and is a matter of faith, a faith that would propel me to action. I still can’t answer that question, but mornings like this morning in fellowship with my Heart make me face and realize a few things.
The most important may be this: that moment of creation of purpose after discovering Self, connecting with Heart, was not a one time proposition. I must make a decision to write, say yes to opportunities, and learn and grow and definitely step out of comfort zones — a huge commitment without any distinct knowledge of income flow. And I must do that and exercise faith daily.The gauge of genuine faith is action. I must write.
What about you? What has discovering Self and creating purpose resulted in for you? What work has radiated from your faith? Just speak to your Heart if you can’t answer these things. Heart always answers.
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!