When I write about my novel, The Fellowship of the Heart, I am creating fiction. The fictional characters and plot, however, have an aim, an intention, of encouraging readers either in their search for Self and Purpose or in confirming they are part of the wild, wonderful orchestration of life and the Universe meeting here in time and space.
Therefore, when I mention I was in fellowship with my Heart at some given time, I mean I was having a conversation with that deep, eternal part of me, my core Self, who links me to energies of life that transcend time and space. This morning, as every day, I was in such fellowship, and I spoke with my Heart about my writing.
I know I have improved, and I know sometimes I miss the mark. This has been the awesome part of publishing every single day. I’ve learned much. I don’t always know how effective I am. I can’t worry about that, though. Readers determine effectiveness: if they receive value, then I was effective; if they don’t, I wasn’t very effective. Many variables, though, affect response. Responses and lack thereof to my writing remind me to keep working to improve my craft; they also remind me not to be overly concerned because things like time of day, holidays, national and international news and events, weekends and weekdays — all affect responses.
Having said this, I would like to share part of what my Heart told me this morning. Surprise to me! After all my thoughts about Ego, I have been unaware of how much it has influenced some of my work. Oh, I know in some ways it always will; however, awareness and continuing awakening means growth, growth I will share if I believe it valuable and productive.
I have likened the subconscious, deep parts of us to working like operating systems on a computer: the eOS (Ego Operating System) and the hOS (Heart Operating System). This is something I have internalized; my Heart told me this morning I have been allowing eOS to run intermittently and it’s created a glitch.
How? I haven’t realized a fuller extent of what hOS really implies. I have thought of the concept as if Ego is always there, waiting to pounce, and it’s almost like a competition. I can almost hear Ego saying, “You dirty rat. You chose Heart today. I’m gonna get you, you filthy animal.” Or something like that.
My Heart told me directly this morning this way of thinking has empowered Ego. I need to choose hOS, fully install it, and let it deal with eOS. Yes, ego will always be part of me, but I will now let Heart use it as necessary for legitimate purposes. In other words, I must allow Heart to have full sway and release Ego to that way of functioning. You see, this must become my way of thinking, my mindset, or I will not grow. I want to grow; really, I do.
I feel I have new freedom in my writing. This morning I mentioned I would say something about pearls, and it’s in reference to my writing. When ego runs as a low level background program, not being controlled by Heart, it adds layers over my writing. Like a pearl in an oyster or even the inside of its shell, a biochemical process adds layer upon layer of a substance called nacre. That’s the pearl, the shiny, iridescent beautiful treasure. Hold on, I’m not there yet!
I know at times I have used challenging vocabulary because it made sense to me. I still will, I know, because in part I draw fine lines between words and concepts I believe are helpful; however, I am fairly certain such vocabulary has made my writing more difficult to read. A layer of nacre.
My sentence structures are complex. I need to work on that. It’s another ego layer of nacre being secreted. I know most people want that glowing pearl. I don’t. I want my writing to be the real, raw, earthy, gritty grain of sand or irritant that starts the process. I want to take all those layers of nacre off, peel them away, dissolve them, so my readers get my honest, whole-Hearted meaning.
Make no mistake. I appreciate beauty, but not at the expense of being blinded to reality. By the way, did you know pearls can be marred, even dissolved by vinegar, a very weak acid solution? Yep, I will seek to be pouring some vinegar over my work. I want the root of it, the foundation, the unvarnished, un-nacred truth of it to help whoever may set eyes on my writing.
While I seek to dissolve the Ego coatings over my work, I hope that raw elemental grain will be something from which you can create a pearl of beauty for yourself. That’s where my ego played into it. Only you can create your own beauty; it’s beyond my scope and authority. I’ll just try to give you something you can build on.
If you are a regular reader, thank you for enjoying the journey with me. Even though I want to un-layer the shiny shit from my writing, I hope it ends up being something of beauty for your soul.
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!