Today, I’ve been thinking about how relevant fellowship with my Heart is in all my work.
My Heart helped me face the reality that I have not been working as closely as I could have been. I have, obviously, been living my Purpose and Vision, but in the execution of my Mission and the consequent goals, I have not done all I could in our fellowship.
The concepts are not anything new to me; it’s a matter of deeper application. I kind of assumed that when I engaged in my creative work of writing, it was Heart-energized work. Nope, not always. After all, creativity is Heart work, right? Not necessarily!
People can be immensely talented, creative, skilled, and productive, but the issue of the force driving those expressions boils down to two possibilities: Ego or Heart. When my writing troubles me, or, as I have experienced, a professional editor spots problems, I can now look it over and see how I allowed Ego to move my mind and soul expressions.
This may be why so many famously talented people end up living empty and unhappy lives. Ego has been driving them. I am so grateful for Awakening to Self and my fellowship with my Heart. I want to ensure when I am creating, I’m speaking with my Heart and that is my motive force.
Not too much more here, but for anyone wondering what this means, I’m sharing my revised work from last night, at least part of it. Oh, I’ll do it again, but I know when it seems too sappy or didactic, Ego was probably at work. Of course, some of it may be plain old lack of talent that needs some work!
“I wouldn’t have expected you to have anything, Eric.”
“I hope that’s not another veiled comment about what a big disappointment I am to you.” Eric didn’t move out of his chair, nor did he take his gaze off of the setting sun. Content.
“Eric, no, not at all. Listen, can we talk without the snippy hostilities, at least let me try?” Anne sat down next to him.
“Do you think that’s possible, for either of us?”
“I’m not sure. Like I said, I would like to try. Eric, you’re different, but I didn’t see it.”
“It seems to me you saw it and resented every last part of it, of me. I went through a really hard time, and the only thing I sensed from you was resentment because I wouldn’t be or do what you thought I should.”
“Okay, you’re right, but I’m not talking about earlier. I’m talking about the last month or so, and I was so resentful. I only thought about myself and all my new responsibilities. It made me more resentful.”
“How did that make you more resentful of me?”
“I thought you should have been involved in a partnership and going through the same thrill and excitement I was.”
“But I was not there. Because I didn’t know who I was, I had no idea what I wanted. I was tired of being carried along by everyone else’s wishes and dreams and plans for me.”
“That is exactly what I resented. You’ve got to know how adolescent and immature that sounds — ‘I needed to find myself.’ Adults have responsibilities, take on responsibilities, and they don’t make excuses. Needing to find yourself sounds like an excuse.”
“You know what, Anne? You’re right; it would be — IF you didn’t mean it. On this side of that question, I can tell you that nothing else is more important, that the greatest responsibility I think anyone has is answering that question: Who am I? So, if you want to be resentful, I could be right back. You’re the one not taking on the most crucial responsibility.” Eric paused and took a deep breath. “Maybe this just isn’t working.”
“Maybe not, Eric. Except for the fact that I do see a difference in you now. You look different, act different than you had been. Obviously, something changed. Except it wasn’t obvious to me until tonight.”
“Kathy made me think about some things. I just observed you for who you are, not for who I thought you should be when I snuck up behind you. I wish I had done that months ago.”
Eric was silent for some seconds. Say it, Eric. “Anne, I’m sorry for my part in this. I was seeking spiritual truth, but I reacted with your same resentment. Bad combination. And then, I felt like I couldn’t go back on the exploration of myself. I needed answers. I was numb, apathetic, didn’t care about what I was doing. I definitely had no idea of true self-identity.”
“But you never really said anything, Eric.”
“I did. But you were so consumed with yourself you never heard me.”
“You’re right.” Anne’s shoulders sagged.
“Anne, I think something more is going on here. You said Kathy made you think about some things. What things? Again, why tonight?”
Like I said, it’s still a draft, but someone may look back and see if there is any significant difference in tone. Or not.
I would like my words to jump off the page in lively greeting, charm, inspiration, rebuke, discovery, or any of a thousand possibilities for my readers. I don’t want them to be fulfillment of Ego desires for myself.
I would close with the thought that any work of any kind, any endeavor, that is a result of co-creating Purpose, Vision, and Mission can be done in constant contact with Heart. It’s no different than working alongside a colleague or friend, just occasional acknowledgements that we’re both there and a check on what we’re doing.
Blessings in your Heart-work!
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!