The mind of a warrior — I have read about it, considered it, but this morning I entered into it in a new, deeper way.
Many have gone way deeper than I have, and while I value others’ experiences and can learn from them, only my own becomes truth to me, something I can live, something I can share.
Something fresh I understood this morning came straight from my Heart. As we fellowshipped, I tried to continue the honest evaluation of where this path is headed. In the past week as I have come ever closer to getting my little nonfiction ebook to publication, I researched similar works. I questioned why my writing is even needed because there are so many great things going already. It has created an internal conflict, and that is what made me doubt. After all, if I am living according to my Heart, isn’t conflict supposed to be eliminated?
That’s when Heart spoke up very directly to my mind and soul. Elimination of internal conflict is an Ego lie. Oh, it will readily engage in external conflict, but the internal one between Ego and Heart threatens Ego.
Heart reminded me afresh of that which I have written about, hinted at, and lived to a limited extent: I come with embodied conflict of these two dynamics. Ego would squash the internal conflict.
Why? It produces conformity. There are no societal regrets in conformity, but there are huge soul regrets that accrue till awakening or death. We are counseled to avoid regretful behavior in society. Most of the time living personal Heart-truth will put me at odds with an Ego-bound society.
And that’s fine. That’s the way it should be. Anytime I acknowledge and live Heart, I should expect conflict. And that’s what a warrior does: prepares for conflict. A warrior knows the situation, calculates what is needed, and enters to win. A warrior embraces the conflict and knows entering it is the victory. That’s Heart attitude.
If I choose not to enter conflict with Ego, I will regret it. A number of quotes exist about regretting what we didn’t do. The source of these regrets begins with not embracing the internal conflict of Ego and Heart. I won’t regret the cost of living my truth in this world. I would regret caving to Ego and just taking the easy road of conformity.
I did not plan this, but here is where I have been in the development of my novel rewrite, The Fellowship of the Heart. Anne Lafarnge is having one of these Heart conversations and realizes the internal dynamics going on and thinks about what it may mean to live her newly-awakened Self and purpose on a daily basis.
Anne remained still, breathing in the same rhythm with her eyes closed.
I am Anne Moreven Lafarnge. My Heart, less than an hour ago. I understand. I know. What do I do with this now, this knowledge, these emotions?
Oh, Anne, this is a very good question. Think. What do you feel the answer is?
You just answered a question with a question. (She laughed.)
It’s a good way to think. What do you want to do?
I’m not sure. I feel driven, driven to work with people.
What do you mean? You work with people now, don’t you?
Yes, but I mean the teaching, the mentoring, the encouraging, the planning, organizing.
Set it in your soul if this is what you want. Do you understand?
I choose. It’s my call because of who I am. Is that it?
That’s it. You cannot do it wrong. You create with me. We have co-created.
But what will I do day to day?
Oh, Anne, that’s part of the journey. You will know. I am here. Always.
This is going to create conflict, isn’t it? This is not happenstance, especially since things are funky at Paragon.
Does conflict bother you? Would you rather not face it?
If I don’t face it, I am not responding to this whole new phenomenon, to you, to my true self.
Is this what you really want, Anne? It may mean challenges you aren’t even aware of now.
Okay, I do want this. This may mean life changes, but how could I possibly walk away from this peace, this sense of purpose? Instead of impending doom and stress, it seems like its guaranteed meaning. What will it lead to, though?
Oh, Anne, that’s the journey I spoke of. Embrace the conflict that may come because the fulness after that — it’s what you truly desire.
It’s what I want. And I will live my intent for the immediate future where I am.
You won’t regret this!
Please remember that this will be revised and edited. I don’t know how it comes across to you, but this is often the way my conversations with my Heart goes. I hope it holds some value for you.
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!