The more I come to know and understand myself, the more I appreciate the wonderful, intricate beings humans are — whether at their worst or their best. Our complexity sets us directly in relationship to the Universe — no, maybe more than that. It shows we are in unity with this Universe.
Yet as complex as we are, simple things move us, motivate us, and give us clarity as we evaluate ourselves and our place in the Universe. We see complexity as simplicity. A beautiful pink hyacinth enchants the eye with its delicate, curlicue petals and fills the olfactory sense with sweetness; it calms our whole being. This simple flower, though, contains many specific cells for photosynthesis to occur, for nutrients to be transported to growth areas, for waste to transpire, and for so much more — all of these we cannot see with the naked eye even though most of us know these minute units exist within the flower.
On any given day walking past one and inhaling its fragrance, it’s that simple unit we call hyacinth that makes us dream, imagine, calms us, and pleases us. We don’t need to see or think about the complexity — just the simple beauty.
So it is with ourselves, the most complex living organism on the face of the earth yet we, most of us anyway, yearn for simplicity. I truly don’t know if I think of us as beings of simplicity overlaying complexity or complexity coded into simplicity. It doesn’t matter in some ways to me, because on any given day, I may be enthralled with both aspects of us.
In The Fellowship of the Heart, I am working, crafting the writing to create a simplicity of understanding of how natural and easy it is for us to awaken to our Heart, to the fact that we are a unique expression of eternal Spirit, an expression that we as pre-incarnate Spirit wished to experience through physical senses. However, to get to that simple place sometimes requires exploring the complexities of who we currently are to get to the simplicity of our eternal nature.
That’s very beautiful to me, and I seek to show one part of that journey as Anne Lafarnge engages in fellowship with her Heart, a fellowship fresh, engaging, and intricate as she understands how complex her journey has been to get to her simple truth. I want to share a bit of that conversation here tonight.
She heard the call of the hawk. She breathed. She held her eyes loosely closed, aware of the sun falling across her face, absorbing it as a blade of grass absorbs the sun’s radiant energy. However, she felt as if the transformation of energy was to spiritual energy rather than chemical. She absorbed. She breathed. She listened.
I am here, Anne. I have always been here. I have spoken. This is the first time you have sought me, though, for many, many years.
Anne spoke in whispers. “I know. I know exactly how many years. I somehow knew this part of me, you, would know what to do. You saved me from that horrible boy. I heard the words to scratch, fight, and run. I did.”
Why was that the last time you sought me?
“I am not sure. Why was it?”
You know it, but you fear the thoughts, the feelings, the words — don’t you?
She sat still. She breathed. She was calm. “I think I know.”
You are not having a polite conversation. Either you know it or you don’t.
“I know it. I felt power. I felt conquest. I felt a surge of pleasure at defeating that boy. He deserved it.”
But did you? Did you deserve what he tried to do to you?
“Of course not. That’s a strange question from my own Heart.”
I have another one, Anne. Did you deserve to have ego so activated that you haven’t stopped seeking conquests ever since? Did you deserve to allow ego to close your voice and ears from me?
“I did not. But that’s not your point, is it? I feel it. I sense it. I didn’t deserve that part either, but I chose it, didn’t I?”
Why would you do that?
“It felt good in some ways.”
How does it feel now, looking back, thinking back?
“Awful. I feel awful. Yes, I hear you. I feel awful not because I defended myself but because I took delight in harming someone else. I didn’t feel grateful for being safe. Just powerful. It was not a good kind of power.”
What do you mean, Anne?
“It was an inferior power. I think it was a power like I have been feeling this past year leading to my being named a senior associate. To get it, I had to only be more powerful than those who contended with me.”
What are you saying?
“It is a power that preys on the weaknesses of others. That horrible Ronald boy wasn’t like that, but I learned this kind of power from our encounter.”
What nurtured this prey drive, Anne? Do you know?
“I do now.”
Anne’s dive into her complex past that produced a complex psychological pathology in her leads to an understanding of herself in all simplicity. Well, I haven’t shared quite that far tonight, but I want readers to know it’s possible to analyze self with our own Heart and arrive at simple understandings.
This is all for tonight, but it’s only Part I!
Blessings in the exploration of your complex self and discovery of the simple You!
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!