Awaken, Discover, and Go: Hearts Don’t Lie!

Okay, I did it. I formally began the first chapter of my rewrite for The Fellowship of the Heart. When you read it, it may not sound like much, but I am really working to develop very distinct character traits. Successfully? We’ll see.

​In my personal notes, which I would not share, I have written out these character traits. I will see if they take form as the book proceeds. I wanted more time to write today, but the reality is writing isn’t easy, emotionally or cognitively.

Now, one thing I know is I have to treat it like a job to some extent; I don’t wait for the perfect time, place, atmosphere, inspiration. I just sit down and write. If writers don’t do that, they won’t be writers for long. If you don’t put words to paper — or document — then you’re not a writer. Inspiration isn’t something that settles on me from some outside combination of elements. I make my own. For me, inspiration isn’t a feeling; it’s motivation, so I motivate myself.

Now, I will say that having a space and routine helps to get me into the zone. Music helps me, so I put on some appealing stuff and usually the same pieces. I have a few I rotate between, but they are all instrumental, absolutely no vocals. For my novel, I listen to almost any of Adrian von Ziegler’s Celtic compositions. Perfect for me. I bet other writers do the same sort of thing.

Anyway, here is part of my work from the very beginning. These are the very first words of the rewrite.
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Eric Lafarnge strolled out of the modern, glass-faced high rise that housed the five floors of Actov and Colboard, along with many other business concerns. The building reflected the mature oak and pine trees in the strip of park opposite. He breathed deeply at the bottom of the marble stairs, briefly closing his eyes and looking up towards the noonday sun.

His reputation at the prestigious law firm run by Jack Actov and Peter Colboard had grown quickly, especially in his area of government litigation. He had won several judgments against the state of Missouri, but none of that seemed important just then. He only wanted to breathe and think.

Peace. I just want my mind to stop racing.

Spying a secluded bench in the broad strip of park land dividing the boulevard, he strode with purpose to claim the spot. The forest green wood and wrought iron bench sat at one end of a reflecting pool bordered by flat granite. Before he sat down, he stood transfixed gazing into the clear water reflecting the light azure sky.

What am I doing with my life? What do I want to do? I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

“And why is that?” Eric heard these words, but he knew it was within him. No one else was around. The voice was him, some part long muffled, long suppressed. It was part of himself so distinct he could answer to it — silently but with the words well-formed in his mind just as the words he heard rang clearly in his brain.

I am not sure who I am. That sounds stupid at my age.

“Why would it be stupid? But more importantly, what has brought you to now?”

I have identified as a lawyer for so long, that’s who I’ve become. Eric Lafarnge, Attorney at Law.

“What’s wrong with that? Don’t you want to be a lawyer anymore?”

No, I feel accomplished, but I am not Lawyer. I know there’s supposed to be more. I know I’m more than that.
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Okay, that’s it. I will look at it in the morning again and see how I feel about it.

I want to comment, though, on Eric’s wonderings about self. Been there. Done that. And I will say now I love this whole game of writing, communicating, and all that goes along with it — except critiques — but I know they are absolutely necessary.

Having awakened and come to know core Self, which is where Eric is headed, I can engage in this work and enjoy it, even when I’m really tired like I seem to have been all this week. I worked for three hours mowing and trimming today. And I see students, too, sporadically, starting this week.

But this passion is enough to keep me moving forward, because I know I must express Self, and that expression is my commitment of love to the Universe, whether anyone else cares or not.

​Have you heard your heart and discovered core Self, that process that Eric Lafarnge is embarking on in my novel? I hope so, but I know very many never have due to all sorts of ego excuses. Egos can lead us to form false conclusions about self and purpose. Hearts don’t lie.