Today, I have reflected on the last six months of my writing life. I feel amazed that I could produce such a volume of work. It has been thematic based on my novel, Fellowship of the Heart; however, the underlying theme of heart and ego as choices has allowed a broad, varied expression of knowledge and experience. I feel really good about that.
I have learned that I can, indeed, produce quality work every day, some better than others, and that is okay. I am quite sure that without an editor, every day has some mistakes, and I know from years of working with students that we cannot spot many of our own errors. The fact remains, though, that every single day for over six months, as of today, I have published my writing. Scary when I first began, but this daily process has helped me personally understand what I have heard and told people many times: just get it out there, finish, stop using perfectionism as a tool to procrastinate. I may have had a few sloppy pieces, but I would guess that 95% of my stuff is relatively clean, which brings me to my next discovery. Anything I have written out of character with my abilities is because I did it when I was either sleep-deprived or not feeling well — for some reason or another. I know that I can write on a very, very late night or very early morning. Other people sometimes actually want to see me, spend time with me, and when I do that at normal times, it means my writing is delayed or shifted, but I do it. And sometimes it is damned hard, but it always feels so good, so fulfilling. I experience that same sense of progress and fulfillment when I discover elements of my writing I can improve or some skills I advance. I have learned to more purposefully manipulate tone. Also, I have discovered what I have heard professional writers say for years: I realize how crucial knowing, reading, and experiencing others’ writings and art is to my own creative process. One more thing worthy of note for me is I require an intimate contact with Nature, daily, if I am to create and produce any type of work at all. This has been true of anything I have done all my life, though, even recreationally. I know choosing to hear my heart, learn myself, and stay in a daily fellowship with my heart has pushed me through all this. If, six months ago, I had set a specific goal of saying I was doing this for six months, my ego probably would have pushed me to fail. Knowing this heart goal, though, of simply writing, knowing it is my life purpose, one I chose, created, and developed, has made this possible. With the consistent aid of the Universe through the Spirit, I am a co-creator, and I thrill at the work and response to it. However, in my self-reflection, I will admit the places where ego has shown up and had influence, but my awareness of that part of myself makes ego’s efforts ineffectual — but not totally uninfluential because I do get down sometimes. How? Well, the response I just mentioned. When I see my number of followers on social media, I have to think I either don’t know what I am doing or my work means a lot to me and a few people but it sucks to most. I won’t buy it, though, whatever the reason for the lack. I am Discovery, I am a writer, and through that identity and purpose, I help others to discover self, personal truth, and their purpose. The other aspect of ego-work is I have yet to see an income stream while building this dream and purpose; I’m expecting income and developing ideas, though, whether directly or indirectly through my writing. This brings me to my heart’s prompting this morning, even though I have previously referred to this poem of Walt Whitman — “O Me! O Life!” This poem covers my emotional journey to some extent. Self-doubt will always be invoked by Ego, but for those who know the Fellowship of the Heart, the Ego’s work just urges us onward and upward rather than compromising, and it helps give further shape to my Life Purpose. Make no mistake, the emotional conflict is real — no bullshitting — but it truly creates more determination. Walt says, “O Me! O life! of the questions of these recurring, // …Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?” Sometimes, when I am down, ego tries to convince me I am lacking faith, but the key is I, core Self, REALIZE IT! And sometimes, so many around me, whether I know them and they are well meaning or whether they seem so hopeless that they just drag me down, make me feel “The question, O me! so sad, recurring — What good amid these, O me, O life?” Do I really make a difference; do I really mean anything to anybody? Well, I will take Walt’s words for my own: “Answer: / That you are here — that life exists and identity, / That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.” As long as I am here, I know who I am, and I have created my life purpose. I do not know how it will all work out, but as this is a time of reflection and not prognostication, I don’t need to know. I know my heart, core Self, personal truth, and my created purpose. I will make my contribution out of love for Self and my fellow human beings. I will contribute to the Fellowship of the Heart and make no apologies for it — no matter how little recognition or income might result. Personal reflection is a disaster for people when no choice is made to evaluate with one’s heart: however, I am encouraged when I consciously choose Heart as the operating system for reflecting on my life. Self-awarenessPoetryReflectionsSpiritualityPersonal Growth
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I want to be honest here. I did not see the logic of awarding this summer’s Olympic games to be hosted by Rio de Janeiro. I knew briefly about the extreme poverty and high crime rates, not to mention government corruption and general discontent. I believed that the decision was undoubtedly a result of extreme nasty, ego-fueled politicking. Last night when I watched the opening ceremony, some things clicked for me. I was the one who had been allowing my ego to operate for me.
My first suspicions might be accurate, but when I evaluate with my heart, it doesn’t matter. Why? My heart operates on the principle of believing, faith, which implies I take people at their word — or organizations, governments, etc. Now, I will quickly, closely, and astutely check out some people and groups who have already proven themselves to be truth-deficit right away. Hearts do make judgments and come to decisions about information of any sort. My point is this: the Olympic organization has really noble words as their philosophy. Their investment, to me, backs up their words. Ego will pick at every point and any person that doesn’t agree or conform to ego-truth of “agree with me or you’re wrong.” Heart weighs and decides wisely, in love and expression of core Self. Last night as I watched over 10,000 athletes, world-class athletes, who by nature are extremely competitive, march into that stadium in Rio, they were smiling, waving, and acknowledging one another, and all was done with something like 75,000 in attendance and another estimated 3 + billion watching world wide. That is some positive energy, and to me, it takes precedence over all the competitions that will occur. Yes, I am fully aware of how politically charged this Olympic organization is, but it just doesn’t matter when over 10,000 highly competitive people can live together, compete, eat, and work together in a small city, enjoying life together. They all have common goals, but those goals are developed and executed in very different ways and under even more different circumstances, political, religious, philosophical, cultural, and social constructs. This is a living illustration of what can happen when people follow their own hearts and live their own truths; this is acceptance of diversity and valuing of diversity while living personal goals. The petty, self-serving ego cannot distract from the truly big picture: when we live to express core Self, an infinite, abundant Universe opens to us, one allowing us to live Self in expressions of love to all others. Peace, work, and mutual care and concern are the order of the day. Last night, I listened to the words of Thomas Bach, the president of the International Olympic Committee, a man in an almost impossible position: “In the Olympic village, the values of our shared humanity are stronger than the forces which want to divide us.” The new Refugee Team was welcomed, according to Bach, in “a world of crisis, mistrust, and uncertainty.” What creates this “crisis, mistrust, and uncertainty?” I think Bach is zeroed in on that: “We are living in a world where selfishness is gaining ground.” Boom! There it is! Ego. I can’t stress it enough: knowing and following one’s heart offers the solution to this increasing rush to insure the lower self, the physical self, is cared for at any and all expense. When core Self is known, identified, and lived, the development of that Self results in blessing to any who are affected by the ripples produced through the life purpose, vision, and mission of those living Heart truth, ripples of growth, peace, love, encouragement. And this is exactly what I see as possibilities for the nation of Brazil and, more specifically, the city of Rio. A group comes in bearing massive amounts of positive energy and displays, lives, and develops that energy in one of the neediest large cities on the face of the earth. Ripples of Heart, overall. Even though the primary life filter is not necessarily Heart for every athlete or the authorities of their countries, the total energy field vibrates acceptance of diversity, equality of humanity, and possibilities of peace. The official word of the IOC is to promote peace and cooperation and unity because we are all humans, and that purpose is being expressed, lived out in an area that needs such hope, that must grab hold of a realistic, working model. Again, ego will pick and pick in order to show the inadequacies and failures of the IOC. Who cares? Is the idealistic model being lived out? Yes? Then shut up unless problems are raised that can further promote Heart purpose. What does our heart tell us about the Olympics? To me, it’s hope, it’s a real possibility. Will it be lived out by the host city? Will it produce transformation in three weeks? Probably not, but again, it doesn’t matter, not if we seek to live our own hearts. I love the brass for the Olympic song! When I write, I draw on a variety of texts, literature, and letters with which I am familiar. An event that I briefly witnessed this morning induced an immediate association with a relatively well-known biblical verse, Proverbs 15:1: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
How easy harsh words come, especially when egos are aroused. This morning I saw an episode illustrating this, and it was maybe two minutes long — a classic example of a conflict of egos. Harsh words that escalate conflict, resolve nothing, and do not end in peace exemplify how ego works. This is the way it went down. I really enjoy walking my puppies in the morning. I say puppies, but they’re really adults, an 8 year old female and a 6 year old male — Sassy and Spirit. They are big, beautiful, white fluffy kuvaszok, plural for kuvasz, the Hungarian version of the French great Pyrenees. We were walking together this morning about 6:30 on the same route we usually take, seeing the same people we usually see. It was a gray morning, damp with occasional light rain, which began falling on us halfway through our walk. That’s when I saw the two men. Sassy and SpiritBecause we walk about the same time every morning every day of the year, we see the same people — walking themselves, walking their dogs, driving up the street. Since my puppies are fairly distinctive, everybody recognizes them. I wave a dozen or so times a morning, but they are usually smiling at the puppies. One couple that we often see are in their seventies, both very healthy. The man always rides his simple bike, and his wife walks, I mean trucks, down the main street. Bicycle Man, which is what I call him because he calls me White Dog Man, threads his way through the very large church parking lots and property, as well as the surrounding side streets. The couple is never really together, so they weren’t the conflict focus. No, it happened between Bicycle Man and one of the church maintenance men, a young guy about 25 or 30 years old. I see him most mornings, too, and we wave. As the puppies and I approached the area of recycle dumpsters that the church hosts, I could immediately see that an unpleasant confrontation was occurring, and I could hear them fairly clearly. “I told you you couldn’t do this any more!” yelled Maintenance Man, waving his phone towards Bicycle Man. “I’m not hurting anything.” “Get out of here. I’m calling the police this time.” “My wife is a good member of this church.” “Good, maybe she should know what you’re doing.” This little exchange seemed to get louder and the body language more hostile with every word. “I’m calling the cops now.” Bicycle man saw him punching numbers on his cell phone. “Oh, no, c’mon now, don’t be like that. I won’t do it anymore, I promise.” “Too late for that.” Now they were walking towards the maintenance building about 40 or 50 yards away, Bicycle Man pleading, begging with Maintenance Man. At one point, I suppose that Bicycle Man touched the other on his arm to try and turn him around. Then, Maintenance Man said he would call a lawyer, too, which was a bit of a relief to me, because for a split second I thought he was going to hit the old man. Now, the old man had been pretty aggressive; I’m not assigning blame here. Any other morning that my big furry puppies weren’t in danger of getting very soaked, I would have intervened. Was this the Spirit just keeping me out of it, because it quit raining by the time we were home five minutes later? This whole scene bothered me very much then, and it has all day. To me, it illustrates how crucial the choice of Heart is when receiving input and emitting responses. I know I speak a lot about this; it’s a theme of my upcoming novel, The Fellowship of the Heart, but it’s a reality to me every day because the choice is continual. And that is a good thing. Why? Choice means freedom, and if we aren’t choosing — which might seem like a chore to some — we have closed our spiritual eyes and ears, senses, to our hearts. We become enslaved to ego, and bitterness reigns. Neither Bicycle Man nor Maintenance Man made a choice for heart. No choosing is a choice for ego. On the part of either one, what would a gentle word have done? I’m not even talking about situations where assertiveness is called for, which can be accomplished in Heart, but I’m talking about a common, daily situation. And my overarching thought was this: With all the horrible shit going on in the world today, how in the hell does a few aluminum cans become such a source of spirit-killing, shame-filling, and soul-degrading conflict? Really?! They live with their choice. I don’t presume that I even might have reacted differently in either one of their shoes. I think I would have, but I, ultimately, would not accuse or blame them. I would and do love them and wish that they could reconcile. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” So easy to utter a soft answer if acting through Heart, but it’s so difficult when the other uses a harsh ego word to stir up anger. It’s the way wars are started! Who knows? Maybe I will see them Monday morning! And until then, all positive spiritual energy for wholeness and well-being will be directed from my heart to theirs. Blessings to all for gentle words! Know what? If we choose Heart as the primary filter and processor of our lives, there is a benefits list that comes along with the choice. It’s like insurance policy benefits, only it’s an assurance policy — (if you happen to be from Great Britain, I believe this is equivalent to life insurance, so maybe my point won’t be so significant to you!).
Yes, the benefits of assurances which flow from following my heart have been life-altering, joy-producing, and perseverance-generating — not to mention the love and peace which flow daily from knowing Self. These are the assurances that I have as I follow and fellowship with my own heart. Love and peace are the best assurances which depend on the individual and are known by the individual. There are no assurances, no guarantees about the way anyone else responds to…to what? To this: I have heard my own heart, that deepest mystery of who I am, speak to my conscious mind. For years, I responded to my heart; however, it was at a weaker, more subconscious level. When I sought a new direction four years ago, I called out for a new sense of purpose; I heard those whispers become more vocal, more direct, within my mind. No, not some sort of mental condition, but as I said, a mystery. But then what? People like me learn to hear their hearts, spend time with themselves, and fellowship with their hearts. A consequence of the fellowship of the heart is developing a life purpose. I had been a teacher for years, and now I came to understand I would be branching out. I understood what I loved about teaching was discovering for myself and seeing students discover not only knowledge but also themselves. “Yes, discovery, I am Discovery,” but what did that mean? It meant that I would make ways to express the nature of discovery. How? Spending time in fellowship with my heart and hearing the question over and over again — one that was on the surface difficult to answer — finally produced peace. “Write, I’m a writer,” just erupted in my conscious mind and escaped my lips in an excited whisper. After all, it was writing that led me to teaching! How would I carry this out, though? Develop a vision and mission consistent with that purpose. That’s another assurance. We will not rest until we create a life purpose. We don’t have to wait for it to drop down from above or to smack us in the back of the head. It’s there, in us, to create in real life. And when we know our own heart, know our core Self, and fellowship with Heart as we make decisions, we DO NOT make mistakes — another assurance. We can, however, evolve and refine our purpose. Such people also continually grow and evolve in the Spirit of creation, yielding a collaboration, a co-creation of Self and Spirit. We are not in this alone. Heart mediates with Spirit, our access to all the blessings of the Universe. And one of those blessings is one another — amazing, wonderful blessings. Other benefits? Those in the fellowship of the heart are so focused and intent on carrying out our mission that Ego is minimized and used effectively to help us know when we must push through comfort zones so we can keep developing and expressing core Self. Why would we want to do that? Because we are driven by love, because our heart knows the purposes of the Spirit are founded on love, and love of core Self and all that implies translates directly to love for others. Without Heart knowledge, which leads us to know and love core Self, no love will be shown to the world; the Purpose of living our Heart is to love the World. Ego wants to be in an all-consuming love of the lower, physical self and only focused on comfort and convenience, safety and security of these physical bodies. Heart considers us holistically. Ego establishes an identity that is vague, unsatisfying and always vying for attention, which is why the mass of people have such difficulty in knowing who they really are and what their purpose on this earth is. Just ask someone and see their response. We who know our hearts work hard out of a holistic love to develop and express the core, complete, spiritual Self and to love others through sharing our gift of Self with them. We engage with life, no matter where others are in their journey. We don’t say, “See me; acknowledge my feats.” We in the fellowship of the heart can say through our actions, “Here is our gift. This is who we are. This is the way I show my love for you.” No accolades required. These are the assurances of the fellowship of the heart: the sense of Self in relation to all others and the Universe: the sense of purpose in choosing to be here; the sense of balanced and real relationships; the sense of satisfaction, significance, and fulfillment in living personal truth and identity; the sense of fellowship and joy in working with others; the sense of peace and love and wholeness. Pretty awesome assurances! One last thing I would like to share personally, tonight: I can be rather intense in my writing because I am so focused on my purpose. However, because of the assurances I have listed, I enjoy life. I laugh, a lot, and I cause others to laugh. I enjoy a brew or two with my friends. I love to play games and watch some sports. Sometimes, I may confuse my readers because I take a light-hearted, playable tone in some of my articles. I’m free to do so. And maybe that’s the most significant assurance: I’m free. Are you? (Mike DePung — Post 180)
Why have humans through history insisted on celebrating special holidays or feast times? What a waste, isn’t it? No, they are not, not at all, and this time of year marks a feast holiday that is not widely known in the modern world. The first of August marks an important Celtic and Christian feast time, and it has actually increased in recognition as Celtic lands have celebrated the feast of Lugh, more widely in recent years. The Christian feast day is known as Lammas, or Loaf Mass. The one element the two feasts have in common is they are celebrations of the beginning of harvest, a time when grain crop gathering starts. Grains are often ground into flour to make bread loaves, hence Loaf Mass, Lammas. That work of changing an element like grain into another form also symbolizes transformation; therefore, the Celts looked on this feast as a time of transformation — putting off the old form and working into the new. How about that? We all need to examine our lives: what old forms need to be shed? Maybe methods and ways that offer no positive energy for our lives any more indicate the work of ego in keeping us conformed, safe, and stagnant. This, then, is a time of fellowshipping with our own heart, of gaining perspective that allows us to live core Self and express life purpose. Even though this celebration is directly tied to an ancient agricultural society, the implications are just as directly tied to our lives, symbolically. I do not intend to write some full anthropological paper here; I simply want to give the sense of the continuing need and significance of being brought to face basic human qualities, characteristics, and needs unchanging throughout time, even in our “advanced” civilization of abundance and technology, you know, the one in which we have disassociated ourselves from nature and engaged in a perpetual state of war. We need to remember basic human needs, and the negative aspects of society are more often than not a result of hanging onto old forms that no longer serve us, forms that become institutionalized in governments. The deepest, truest solution always starts with individuals awakening to the call of their own heart. This feast day of Lugh and Lammas ushers us into this mindset, if we allow it. The six major celebrations of the Celtic year were all at times of seasonal and astronomical change. Spread throughout the year, they presented regular opportunities for reevaluations of self and society. Not a bad idea, much more relevant than seeing what gifts others buy us. Don’t get the wrong idea, though; I love gifts! However, I love more a continuing discovery of Self in order to grow in peace, love, and unity in order to learn, progress, and create. And part of my creative efforts focus on helping others discover and express core Self. At this time of the feast of Lugh, we should set aside a specific time to consider what egoic old forms are holding us back from that sort of positive growth. It’s a great time for celebrating other activities with friends that the Celts did during this season. Because Lugh was also the god of all skills, athletic-type competitions were held. We can enjoy games or activities with friends. However, you do it, leave some time for self-reflection after friends are gone. Old, ego patterns often emerge during such times, which is not bad, but is helpful if we identify them so we can grow. Onward and Upward! |
Questions to consider:How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really? What is my truth? How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe? What would I do with my life if I could do anything? What is my passion? Why am I here? How can I discover answers to any of these questions? If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you! Archives
December 2019
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