Earlier today I posted on Instagram one of my “Evening Pages.” I did write it in the morning, in fact, before 9:30; however, I had work to do and our taxes were scheduled to be done. By the time I typed my handwritten page, it was 6:00 p.m.
And over the course of the day, knowing it was tax day, I have been thinking about the assassination of Abraham Lincoln 152 years ago today — just happens to be the same day. I looked back at my article from last year, and I will share a portion of that here. Before that, I would like to connect just a bit with that which I wrote last night and this morning. I wanted to make some statements about what I believe, and I wanted to flat out make the statements in a positive light with no contrasts. Considering this day, I cannot. I can’t because of this: I believe that Thomas Jefferson and many founders of America had a spirit that encompassed what we need today: understanding the value, potential, and freedoms of every individual. Yes, I know their limitations and flaws; however, if anyone would bring those to my attention, I would simply reply that Ego is always with us and wields power. Allow me to make the connection. The Declaration of Independence penned primarily by Jefferson was reinforced by Lincoln — “…dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal” — and it embodied a vision and spirit that is still needed today. Although that document and Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address are apparently focused on America, they embrace a respect for all humanity. I do not believe they had a full view of the essence of their words; however, today, more than ever that spirit is needed. It is the spirit of having a view to the unity of all people and nations. Nationalism, the contrast, continues to create war, death, and destruction. The spirit that animates nationalism is responsible for most of the conflict and unrest and death in this world today, and the essence of it is not only nation against nation but also involved in divisions within nations, such as exist in Syria, the United States, and almost every other nation in the world today. It is the same spirit that so exalted the rights of some humans to catapult their worth over others that they believed owning fellow humans was righteous. It is the spirit that assassinated an already tortured man like Abraham Lincoln. Walt Whitman captured the soul of all these considerations in his epic poem “When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom’d.” This was the focus of my post exactly one year ago today, and I replay it here, with some edits from the original. ______________________________________________________________ 151 years ago today, Abraham Lincoln died. Walt Whitman’s responses to that in poetic form offer much to think about. I will share fragments and my responses as WW considers the impact and significance of Death in general as he contemplates the train carrying the body of LIncoln. He takes symbolic meaning from the natural elements that speak to his heart: a lilac tree, the song of a solitary, unseen thrush, and the appearance and waning of Venus. With moist eyes and a chill, I read, “Comrades mine and I in the midst and their memory ever to keep, for the dead I loved so well, / For the sweetest, wisest soul of all my days and lands and this for his dear sake, / Lilac and star and bird twined with the chant of my soul, / There in the fragrant pines and the cedars dusk and dim.” Death provides the time for reflection and evaluation; it yields life and eternality in that reflection when we understand the nature of Heart within. Death frames and allows life energy to continue unobstructed by this body and the ego required to have this physicality. Irony — life is full of it, isn’t it? On this date one hundred fifty-one years ago, Abraham Lincoln died as a result of his heart belief that “A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure, permanently, half slave and half free” (Lincoln, House Divided Speech). In “When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom’d,” Walt takes symbolic meaning of three natural elements that express his grief, his thoughts, and his conclusions not only about Lincoln’s death but also about the death of so many others during that time. The symbols speak depths of emotion and meaning. He realizes that bright Venus in the western sky gradually fading into the horizon was a sign of the bright star of Lincoln disappearing. He says, “O powerful western fallen star! / O shades of night — O moody, tearful night! / O great star disappear’d…” He also refers to the title bush, the lilac: “…with many a pointed blossom rising delicate, with the perfume strong I love, / With every leaf a miracle…With delicate-colored blossoms and heart-shaped leaves of rich green, / A sprig with its flower I break.” He intended to lay this on the coffin of President Lincoln as the mourning train traveled past his city. He ultimately offers it up symbolically not only to Lincoln but to death itself seen in all the coffins of all those slain in the war. Then, under the darkness of evening he attempts to reconcile all this as he walks along a path close to a swamp and hears the song of the thrush which echoes his song to death: “Approach strong deliveress, / …when thou hast taken them I joyously sing the dead, / Lost in the loving floating oceans of thee, / Laved in the flood of your bliss O death.” He sings a carol to death using the voice of the thrush because he realizes that death frames and showcases all that one’s life was about; it allows reflection and evaluation. Without that our lives are meaningless. Are you dealing with sorrow of any sort? Question your own heart and then give your heart a means to speak to you. Walk and observe and listen to life all around you. Messages to you personally are there, waiting. If you walk in ego, you will not hear them. Walt Whitman was unrestricted and didn’t care what anyone thought of his poems. He wrote his heart. Abraham Lincoln lived his heart for millions upon millions of people. Know that death is not the end; death itself is always operative; cessation of life energy in the body does not mean it’s over. Use death as it wants to be used: reflect, evaluate, and value life through your Heart. ___________________________________________________ Nothing short of knowing and valuing core Self, Heart, in ourself and every other human being will lead to peace. Insistence that our way, our nation’s way, our culture, our economy is the one and only solution and life is stupid, outmoded, and belligerent. Lincoln died because of his belief in the dignity of fellow human beings; this was his Heart. Whitman wrote and lived his Heart. Nothing less should do for us. Blessings!
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I have written about faith recently, faith in myself, my own Heart, and our co-creation of Purpose that works for my happiness. I have developed my personal truth based on my knowledge, experience, learning, research, interactions, and a thousand other experiences and people. I know who I am and what I want to do to express my core Self, my Heart.
My Heart reminds me daily I am an exquisitely personalized representation of eternal Spirit here in physical form to sense, know, and live this life in the Universe. It blows me away that I came here conjunctively with Spirit, and Spirit is known as Me. Of course, Spirit is known as every individual who walks the face of this planet, which makes every human being equally valuable. The recognition of that and cognizance of it every day comprises awakening as epiphany and journey. However, when people allow Ego to isolate them from their own Heart, rationalize with them about a million reasons why spiritual awakening and following heart is impossible, foolish, wasteful, beyond them, beneath them, or whatever else Ego may use — all of these rationalizations keep folks from realizing their innate power and ability to create and live happiness. Unfortunately, this lands the mass of people in the great lake of mediocrity. People who emerge from that lake do it in one of two ways: through the agency of Ego or Heart, one of those two dynamics. Ego seeks to preserve the body-mind-soul complex in society by isolating us in an ironic way. The mass of those who haven’t awakened feel, want, and long for soul and spiritual fulfillment, and Ego rationalizes in many ways to make people feel special, accepted, and acceptable as individuals in the midst of other individuals with little real connections. It’s why people keep seeking their true identity and purpose and why they feel lonely in the midst of an ever-increasing population. Ego operates as our default life-processing unit in this way. Heart, though, lets us know that it’s there, that the core Self is within our being, and we need to acknowledge that. We can reconnect with our eternality; we can connect with our core Self and thereby with our true Spirit-nature. When that happens and the whole process of awakening is engaged, it works rather the opposite of Ego. We come to realize and love Self, develop personal truth and purpose based on that, and then we are open to and understand the connection to all of creation — no existential loneliness. Many, probably the majority, who emerge from that lake of mediocrity do so by Ego. This is when problems occur. Ego has convinced the individual to given into the hubris of ensuring self-survival at the expense of anyone and everyone else who needs to be used. Power players, oligarchies, formal and informal conspiracies arise. These people, to a large extent, do have power, control, and wealth, and they determine, in many instances, the course of history. I never underestimate Ego; it’s obviously a persuasive and powerful force. However, we can leap out of that lake of mediocrity by awakening to and acknowledging the powerful presence of Heart. When one understands eternal Spirit is part and parcel of the makeup of their being, who needs to control things? We choose happiness. We choose life and freedom. We choose to enjoy the blessings of this Universe because we are instrumental in the continuing creation of it, i.e., we are Spirit and Universe and creators in a very real way. This does not mean we deny the presence and influence of Ego. The letter I wrote to my Ego two nights ago attests to this. Understanding Ego means we can appreciate and use it. The contrary dynamic of Ego to Heart initiates creativity and understanding. This leads to gratitude, which enlightens us even further in the journey of awakening. The wisdom we gain helps illuminate the darkness caused by those who have slinked out of the lake of mediocrity via that same Ego force, but these individuals have consciously said no to Heart prompts and continue and will need to continue to because Heart never goes away either. Strong feelings I have about social and political issues result from my Heart perspective, so sometimes I seek to shine into the Ego darkness, pain, suffering, and oppression such folks produce and inflict. Other times, I just want to say what I stand for as alternatives. It’s not so easy, though, because the Ego controllers will want an ironclad, complete answer for everything, and that’s okay. Tonight, I began this piece with the intention of stating some of those things with no apologies or justifications. As I wrote, I sensed I needed to state these concepts, my truth. Maybe tomorrow night?! Blessings! Following my letter to my Ego last night, I have been thinking about faith today. Without faith, Ego will win; Ego will beat out Heart for the supremacy of operating our soul-mind-body complex, for processing life and initiating actions and reactions.
Why? It’s fairly simple, really. Since the mass of people lead lives of quiet desperation, the mass of people, society in general, operate via Ego — not right, not wrong, just an unhappy fact. Therefore, when anyone chooses Heart and lives accordingly, society will be skeptical. People will be dubious. Standard measures of conformity will serve to show we are nonconformists, and that will cause our own Ego to kick in, fire up the old circuitry, and make us doubt Self. That made me consider my work coming out of not only my writing last night but also the monthly meeting of the St. Louis Publishers Association. In that meeting, the speaker reinforced that which I have known for some time: 99.something percent of authors never really see any sort of significant income from their books, unless they have written their own mini-library. My Ego clearly attempted a conformist tactic: quit. Just freakin’ quit spending so much time on something that provides little evidence of being beneficial for others or income for myself. Makes sense to quit, doesn’t it? Yes, if your personal truth is conjured through Ego. However, if I live according to Heart, that means I live my personal Heart-truth. This includes co-creating Purpose with Heart-Spirit. The ultimate aim of Purpose is Happiness; it’s rooted in the Soul and expressed in emotional outcomes. Ego ends would have us focused on physical and mental outcomes. Therefore, when measuring according to society standards of conformity, the job, the person, the amount of money — all those things provide a quantitative analysis of one’s life. They are all based on extrinsic motivation and reward. Don’t believe me? Why are so many people so freaking miserable in their jobs and their lives? They don’t make life choices to produce intrinsic emotional profiles. Instead, they base choices on how good someone can make them feel on a physical level, how much money a job can provide, how acceptable their life choices are to others. When I choose to live Heart, I have to divorce and divest myself of others’ standard measures. When I co-create my Purpose based on my personal Heart-truth, it means I wish to live it, yearn to live it, take no heed of cost in terms of time or money. I am doing it because I love it, because I chose it, because I am pursuing, living, and doing Happiness. What measure is then employed to evaluate my life? None, because I don’t give a shit about evaluating my life. I hope no one else does either, because I don’t wish them to be that Ego-bound. However, my Heart calls me to check on my Happiness quotient, and the driver and motivator, the intrinsic one for living Heart, is faith. “Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1) states this nicely: what I do shows what I believe, what my personal truth is. We cannot see faith any more than we can see Spirit or wind, but the evidence of their work and existence abounds. When I run a self-diagnostic, I look at my choices and see if they are helping me to feel the way I want to feel — not how much money, sex, recognition, or any other quantitative, extrinsic measures people can use. Now, there’s nothing wrong with any of those things, but they are not my motivators. They are for many folks, however, and that means at the end of the day, many folks are still wondering who they are and what their purpose is here. I know who I am and my purpose, and those are bound up in the proof of faith, the evidence I am living what I believe, even though there may not be anything to measure right now. In the book of James, chapter 2 and verse 18, the expression of faith becomes something that can be evidenced; however, it is not necessary for me; it’s only for those who may call into question why I do what I do: “I will show you my faith by my deeds.” I live my truth. I write every day. I engage in activities that are auxiliary to that. No one can see my faith, but the proof to myself provides the encouragement and intrinsic motivation to keep moving forward, to keep living my happiness. Most people I know, if pressed about it, would say I have a good heart but am not very wise about practical matters. I couldn’t be wiser — well, I could be but not in relation to others’ opinions of me. I live my truth, and I do it by faith in fellowship with my Heart and Spirit. I enjoy Happiness in the work, day by day. So, Ego, another hard lesson for you: I refuse to accept lack of response or lack of income as proof of misplaced faith. Even though I still have not published a book, that perseverance will only give me more joy, more happiness — not to mention these daily publications. I’m encouraged by the work I have done over the last six years, and especially in the last fourteen plus months. I know what I want to do, and I will do it in Heart-faith. I hope you do, too. Blessings! Dear Ego,
Yes, we are one. You are part of my total being, as is Heart. You have had your role and still do. However, let me make this clear: I know how you work and how to use you. Oh, this isn’t a threat. It’s simply part of awakening. I know those impulses you use to fire up the lower order emotions, my friend. And what Heart has helped me learn has been the contraries between you and Heart evoke creation. How? I’m glad you asked, trying to trick me into doubting myself. So you help me answer the question: coming up with solutions, answers, with those much higher frequency emotions, that’s how. The dynamic tension leads me to creativity. That’s why I write for now! Pretty nifty! Yes, I’m aware that you wish to keep me safe from ridicule, but that means you sabotage me. Yes, you do. By drawing me into conformity. And you do that through giving the standard command signals to my soul to produce those lower frequency emotions. You really think I don’t know? When I have little response to any of my writings, you tell me to run into hiding by allowing insecurity, doubt, and lowered self-confidence. Oh, you may think you’re not trying to hurt me, but when you seek to force me to conform to the expectations of society, you nullify my purpose, you muddy my focus. Well, you may think that helps, but it causes confusion and frustration, and those are worse than ridicule or perceived failure. I know that, too, Ego. Your other standard ploy. With you it’s always flight or fight. So, you fire up your old circuitry and give me inflated self-image, an unreal one, an attitude of superiority, the old “I’m right and everybody else is wrong.” It’s false, that’s why it’s bad! It makes me blind to others’ good opinions and ideas and creations. It isolates me and discourages me by making me feel as if no one understands me. Yes, you overextend when you play both ends against the middle. Your attempts to cause me to withdraw and hide or stand and be recognized in false pride would keep me in limbo, keep me where the mass of people live, because you Egos wield some real power. No, there is nothing attractive about living a resigned life of hopeless despair. Bad news? Well, that’s bad news because, Ego, when I lift up my eyes from my own sorry state and know Heart and the reconnection with eternal Spirit, who gave you operating license to begin with, then I see the eternality of my soul and the unity with all. I know how to create once again. I know how to release the more negative energy and frequencies and purposefully call on Heart to allow those impulses of love, light, and understanding. Yes, I hear you, and it won’t work. Perfection is neither required nor even defined. Whatever I do in Heart-energy, no matter how it may appear to you or others, it’s not wrong. No, I will not trade my joy, happiness, sense of significance, purpose, love, and light for resignation to despair, for drudgery every day, for surrender to You just to make myself acceptable to the perceptions, beliefs, and personal truth of others. I will, Ego, bless myself in my own truth. I will write and live with Heart as my primary operating system. Thanks for your contributions to who I am, Ego, but now I will follow my Heart, fellowship with my Heart, value and hold that worth more than your paltry offers of safety and security. Then, what? Things you don’t understand. Ego, you’re selfish. You just don’t get gratefulness for others and for my eternal Self. You can’t grasp the concept of faith in the working of Spirit and Universe from which I draw all that I wish. So, I release those emotions sparked by You, Ego, and allow the ones I choose. I will create through the physical means and forms I have chosen. Through my work, I will know what you can only provide in an ephemeral facade: I will experience the riches of love, light, and Spirit. I will not, Ego, as you would have me, attach to the physical forms which may produce disappointment. I will allow and experience Happiness. Happiness. That’s it, ultimately, and you can’t give it because it’s not found in assuming inferiority or superiority. It’s found in Unity. And it feels good, not numb as You would have me, but damn good. I love this whole Discovery lifestyle! Sincerely from this body-mind-soul complex choosing Heart as my operating system. Little beautiful surprises await me every day; they await anyone who tunes themselves in to look for them.
I know I desire to experience those wonders of life, because not only are they inspirational and do they tune me to a higher frequency but also they get me out of those times when I’m not doing so great — crabby, angry, sad, defeatist. Yes, we all have those times, if we admit that. However, they can be much briefer and become times of appreciation themselves. How? On an unseasonably warm, muggy morning, I love seeing the bright morning sun in an azure eastern sky bouncing its rays off a wall of massive cumulonimbus clouds in the west. I don’t know exactly where the beauty lies — in the sun or in the clouds. Yes, I do have negative, cloudy feelings at times, but I appreciate myself and understand the personal truths I have seen, the Heart I have come to know, and the awakening I have experienced provide the basis of a journey of sun and clouds, of growth and joy, of love and appreciation. The tension between Ego and Heart, clouds and light, produce beauty. My Heart, core Self, the real me, appreciates the same sort of beauties as I look at life around me. Sometimes, the clouds of those who purposefully reject Heart and court Ego are so threatening, destructive, and ugly that it becomes pretty clear the source of beauty are those who endure, who survive, who persist, love, and shine despite the oppression. However, beautiful surprises of small magnitude abound every day. Since we all have Ego, it would behoove us — if and only if we wish to have a happy life — to be attuned to Heart, that little beauty detector energizer. Fellowship with the Heart raises awareness of mind, soul, and body to those instances, things like the extra strong aroma when I open the bag of coffee, the way my puppies look at me with an extra dose of trust, expectation, or love, the smiles and waves of neighbors or passing motorists as I’m walking the puppies, a baby or toddler in a store or restaurant who smiles back at me. Yeah, those kinds of beautiful surprises. I know that really rotten shit is going on in governments around the world, America included. I know injustice, hatred, and inequalities abound. The questions becomes personal: What are you going to look for? What do you want to see? If you want to see that shit, it’s there, baby. But it will make you feel like its essence: shit. Some folks kid themselves. They say they don’t want to see such stuff, but it’s just there. Yes, and I respond to it by exposing as far as I dare go without stinking myself. Those same folks who sniff for the shit, though, are often the ones who trivialize the sorts of things I have written of here. Choices. Feel bad or feel good? I had thought to share one of those beautiful little surprises that occurs in my novel, The Fellowship of the Heart, but I will save that for maybe tomorrow. Tonight, I think this is enough, partly because I will get to experience a bit of the beauty of life in just about an hour and a half. While it won’t be a surprise because I know about it, it will be pleasant: I’m picking up my neighbors from the airport. They are always so grateful and happy to be home and see me. Yeah, that feels good, too. Blessings as you tune in to the beauties of life, and I hope you’re surprised by some of those tomorrow! |
Questions to consider:How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really? What is my truth? How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe? What would I do with my life if I could do anything? What is my passion? Why am I here? How can I discover answers to any of these questions? If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you! Archives
December 2019
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