(I asked myself, not you!)
Just a couple hours ago, I posted my Morning Pages, which I labeled as Evening Pages. Hey, I don’t want to mislead anyone!
I’m quite sure I am more surprised than any readers. I knew some time the day would come when I would almost miss posting. Even when I was really sick, I still got the posts out — although I have no idea what I said in my fever-crazed state. The surprise to me today was how it occurred. I always thought if I missed it would be one of those times like holidays, birthdays, or some charity responsibilities — things that were pre-planned and I knew that the time would be tight.
Today, though, was really funny to me, even while I was going through it. The missed window of opportunity came this morning. I had written my personal morning pages — three full pages. If you read my posts from yesterday, you would know that I had an exhausting previous day and night. I did not sleep well last night; I was still experiencing fallout from what preceded. That meant I was dead ass sleepy this morning.
After I finished writing my personal pages, I thought I would lie down, do a guided meditation, and then continue writing. When I opened my computer to pull up one of the fourteen-minute meditations I do, I saw I had an update available. I knew if I didn’t get it soon, it would mess up my Facebook messaging. Hey, it would only take a minute, right?!
I started it and saw it was going to take longer than that, so I decided to just meditate on my own, which I often do. However, when I’m thinking about time crunches, I know it’s safer to use a timed, guided one.
Yeah, I should have waited and done that. The weather forecast called for showers, and it still does for the next two days. I wanted to trim and mow the lawn. I did that last week, but at this time of year a week’s growth reminds me of the house in the Jumanji film. I heard the dogs bark, a quick ring of the doorbell, and I sprung out of the bed. For a few seconds, I could not remember the day or time. When the fog cleared and I looked at the clock, almost two hours of prime writing time had passed. Two hours! I laughed when I thought about my fourteen minutes.
Then, I saw it could rain again any time. I threw on my work clothes, trimmed and mowed the lawn. Two more hours gone. And so it went through the afternoon and early evening.
I considered if I should even post. Would anyone pay attention? Did anyone even notice I had not written? Since my mind was mush, did I have anything anyone would want to read? And what these questions reveal are my lack of faith and self-confidence. Interestingly enough, that’s exactly what I was writing about in my novel. (Yes, I did get maybe a hundred words or so in that today.)
So the real questions I faced were these: Do I believe in myself and my purpose, that which Heart and I co-created, i.e., do I have enough faith to not only believe in myself but also to believe myself? Then, am I confident enough to publish what I write, even when I think no one else may want to read it — like this?
Fellowship with my Heart encourages and amazes me. I was told, not nicely, not sweetly, but straight out: Focus and write. No excuses. You know what? I love myself and believe I am worth trusting and believe I have something significant to say. You see the proof of that here.
Blessings in loving yourself and living your truth, because it’s pretty awesome!
Questions to consider:
How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really?
What is my truth?
How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe?
What would I do with my life if I could do anything?
What is my passion?
Why am I here?
How can I discover answers to any of these questions?
If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you!