Most people think of perfection as living life in total excellence and as free from fault as possible. Do you see how faulty that is? Who calls the shots as to what is excellent and what the faults are to be avoided?
To me, that is the same issue as some politicians or out of touch educators making decisions about what students are supposed to know and be able to do. So very faulty. No perfection there. No perfection anywhere. In fact, true perfection may be the acknowledgement of imperfection. No, it must go one step further. Perfection is embracing the imperfection and working through the process of acceptance, recognizing Ego’s role and employing Heart response. Perfection is learning no such thing exists and releasing the desire for the illusion, the illusion generated by an Ego-soaked society of a life filled with wealth and luxury and perfect relationships and devoid of pain, sorrow, and difficult challenges. No, this is not the bitterness of someone who has not known bounty. In fact, I’m not saying anything is wrong with those good things — at all. The problem is when the drive for those things derive from Ego rather than Heart, when they become Ego-objects that divert us from Heart-purpose. Is it wrong or negative to desire a perfect life? No and yes. It’s not wrong because wrong doesn’t really exist. Things may be favorable or not, have positive or negative consequences, but in general, no wrongs. (Some boundaries dealing with impinging on others’ lives and Heart-choices — too complicated to deal with here. I’m discussing daily life situations.) However, yes, it is wrong if the definition of perfection means faultless. That happens often to those who do not discover core Self, who never come to know who they really are. They replace seeking Self and creating and living Purpose with a crusade for Ego-definitions of perfection. The drive to achieve that which doesn’t exist leads to many problems, including many emotional and mental problems. How could it not when some life goals defined by Ego don’t really exist? Have you ever wondered why some very talented but tortured celebrities keep screwing up? Well, you don’t have to wonder any more. When we discover Self, we discover along the way that Ego is part of us, part of our total being. It still has influence and plays a role. Even though we have Heart, eternal Spirit, who we may choose to be our primary operating system, we have Ego, too. In fact, we choose to arrive here in this total expression of personalized Spirit. Each of us expresses Spirit and allows Spirit to experience the fullness of its creation. Pretty awesome! It’s just more awesome when we become self-aware and live with the knowledge of who and what we are. Then, we can create Purpose, a way to express our personalization of Spirit to the Universe. That means Spirit accepts all the imperfections, challenges, difficulties, heartaches, anger, and any of a million other possibilities and, thereby, senses all the physical, emotional, and mental experiences of humanity. The Ego and Heart dynamics we each possess allow this. We get to choose between these two operating systems. Those who awaken to Self enjoy this life in a much expanded way, but perfection is not included in that way. What we can enjoy is this total experience. We can embrace our challenges and work through them with Heart energy. Perhaps this is a redefinition of perfection, the perfection of choosing Heart to navigate all the challenges and imperfections, the assured imperfections, of life, knowing that we have a Purpose in which we will persist through pains, sorrows, disappointments, discouragements, betrayals — see what I mean! Through it all, we gain increasing insight into the mysteries and wonders of life, life we have co-created. Blessings! p.s. I honestly have a point to share that I have tried to get to for the last two nights. Maybe tomorrow!
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When I write about Self-awareness, two levels of consciousness are involved. The primary one means discovering Self, who we are at Heart-level. The secondary one, also crucial, implies knowing the total Self in terms of abilities, strengths, weaknesses, aptitudes — all important. I know who I am, and I know my strengths and weaknesses, even though I do not always like to admit weaknesses. I will face one with you tonight, though.
I do not finish things in a timely manner. I do them; however, when I read about how the Universe likes speed, I cringe a bit. Why do I bring this up today? I am not especially accomplished in anything business-related, and book publishing is definitely a business skill set. A subset of that, marketing, presents other challenges. I will say I process on the slow side, but that’s partly because I’m a holistic learner, which means I need to see the big picture and figure out how each component fits into that. It takes me longer, but once I have it, it’s mine. Yet, more self-awareness awaits me; I jump joyfully into the lake of authorship and publishing only to be grabbed by something from the murky depths. I haven’t finished my short nonfiction work, which I have shared portions of here, nor have I finished the rewrite of my novel. The Hydra of the lake, that multi-headed, despicable beast, won’t let me go. What happens when I finish? The options in marketing and the necessary skills are currently outside my ken. Have I led up to the publications professionally? Volumes have been written about this, not to mention — no kidding — at least five offers a day in emails about how to publish and market. Wait, just like I know my new name, that which characterizes core Self, my self-awareness leads me to name this multi-headed creature of my own making: Self-doubt. Can I do this? Can I learn what I need to know? Will anyone see value in what I write? What happens if only a few people buy my work? And even if it sells modestly, how do I put a system in place that can handle the correspondence? I mean, I don’t even know how to use Mail Chimp, for cryin’ out loud. My own Ego has begotten this Hydra, and I reject it. How? Well, if you are reading this you’ve probably thought of a dozen or so quotes right now. I know them. The only solution, though, is to act, to move forward through the snapping heads of that creature, doubting that I can learn, can be significant, successful, even noticed. So, as my dad said way before I even knew it would be Nike’s slogan, just do it. Therefore, I need to take stock of my personal truth, of things I have written about extensively. When we discover who we are at Heart-level, we realize our essence, our real being, is Spirit. In that way, we are a unity, but not a conformity. As bearers of Spirit, our uniqueness is found in our physical, mental, and emotional makeup, and we need to be aware of self. We are all Spirit, yet we are all unique, exceptional. Our Heart wants us to discover who that is. Hand in glove with that is the Heart-energy and impetus to do somethinghere in the physical plane.We each get to create a purpose, a something-to-do, that expresses our unique Spirit-identity. When that doesn’t happen, we behave inconsistently with our true nature, and from that all the social, cultural, governmental, and personal ills that plague us evolve. My personal ill — well, I’ve shared that monster above. I want my work published and available because it is an expression of my love and has value as such. Heart tells me, has urged me many months now, to get off my proverbial ass of Ego and finish. Sometimes, we do need extra motivation, an extra smack in the face to wake us up. I got that a bit earlier this evening at a meeting of the St. Louis Publishers Association. I serve on the board of directors as secretary. Ironic, isn’t it, that I have not published a book but am a member and serve on the board of a publishers’ association? Tonight, our speaker, Alex Cruz, a younger guy and expert in his field, focused on establishing a digital presence and branding ourself and then using analytics, metrics, to determine our effectiveness and chart our next moves. I kind of got it, but I spoke to him afterwards. I told him I had published every day for well over a year, showed him a bit of it, and his response was shock. He basically said, “But what are you driving these readers and followers to? What are you offering them besides the free value and content all this time? What product do you have to offer them?” Nothing, I have nothing. He was more shocked when I told him I had a novel I was rewriting, a second one in the works, and a short nonfiction that would be my first published work, I think. “Get the books done and then let’s talk.” Okay, I get it. My Heart mediated with Spirit and worked it out for me to hear this tonight. I needed the extra incentive, but I will tell you that right underneath this document I’m writing is my nonfiction book, which I worked on earlier today. So, you see, Heart gives the energy, the pulse, to soul, mind, and body to execute, to act. It’s a good thing to remember, because Ego distracts. To put Self out there, to have others aware of who we are, is a threat to Ego. To be different in a world mostly filled with people not very accepting of amazing, unique individuals threatens others as well as Ego. We need to be self-aware. Blessings in doing so! Greatness, Heart-greatness, rises from within. It isn’t like Ego-greatness which is garnered from without. The great question is this: Do I want a shining soul or a shining trophy?
I take soul. The reality is many who have received trophies, accolades, or recognition of any sort, those who we know as “the greats,” many times gained those awards because they chose a shining soul. They had no idea when they worked, day in and day out, every day of the week for years on end, that anyone would ever know their labors or the intent of their soul, their Heart. They only knew that they had to live their Heart-energy, Heart-prompts, and that’s what drove them through those days, months, and years of grind — just being true to Self, living personal truth, making sure they did what they knew was Maya or Albert or Abraham or whoever you can come up with. My reality abides in this. I do not know many thousands upon thousands of things. A few things I know well, but I do not know where the path I am on will lead. I do not know if I will derive income from my writing. I don’t even know right now if I have enough talent that anyone would want to actually pay for anything I write. I don’t know if I can overcome the fear of rejection or failure. I think that’s what holds me back from finishing my books. But who knows? I don’t. I know, however, that if I quit, if I don’t grind out my Heart-impulses, which are simple in concept but not easy to execute, I will regret it. It takes effort and smarts and conscience and love, most of all love. I have encouraged myself and others to discover and know Self. Once that occurs, we should love Self enough to create a purpose that expresses that loved Self to the Universe and to one another. That sounds beautiful and sweet, in some ways, but when we face the reality of what that means on a daily basis, sweet isn’t the word that comes to mind. It’s planned, executed, often grinding work, but it’s without any hint of stink or bitching, because we are living our Heart, living what makes us happy, gives us joy in the midst of sweat stains on our t-shirts. That may mean not measuring up to the Ego standards of society, though. It may mean if Ego has any play in what we are doing, we may have delusions of grandeur, that money and fame are the ultimate rewards, and many equate those with greatness. Greatness comes through executing our Heart-energy in our daily lives. For me, that’s writing, writing when I question and doubt, writing when — as today — I could easily choose not to because I am sick, writing when I think I’ve offered some content of value and virtually no one responds in any way to it. The greatness comes in performing my Heart-purpose, even when my own Ego or the standards of an Ego-driven society says, “Nope. No greatness at all here.” So, at the end of a long day when it appears I didn’t get much accomplished, nothing in particular, I look back and examine those nothings, and realize I walked in my truth, and each of those nothings signify greatness. In fact, many days may not see much response or recognition, except the encouragement of my own Heart, doing what I know to do with absolutely no inkling of what tomorrow may hold. I can guarantee you one thing: you will never regret that. Dramatic responses to some heroic, talented, inspired performance does not usually mark greatness; most of the the time we show our greatness by pushing through the grind of things that may appear as nothing in particular. Blessings! P.S. I wanted to write about William Least Heat Moon and his book and a chapter from it I referred to earlier, “A List of Nothing in Particular,” but I really am sick to my stomach! Maybe tomorrow, eh?! If I asked you to name people who were great in any given field, it would be a breeze. However, if I asked what makes for greatness in a field, that isn’t so easy.
Specific criteria would be used to speak about a musician, an artist, an athlete, actor, mechanic, author. Oh, did you catch that? I slipped in mechanic. Why would I do that? Pretty obvious, isn’t it. The popular definitions of greatness have to do with Ego — important to remember. When I quoted Bob Dylan’s song “Blowin’ in the Wind” last night, it brought back a lot of memories as I read the lyrics, which spurred these thoughts today. Part of the reason Dylan is a great songwriter is he addresses society with his music, the darkness, the superficiality — really, he exposes Ego-expressions in various aspects, in words of definite nonconformity. In fact, many of those considered great are the ones who see needs in the general society, sometimes, they are things that society doesn’t even know they need until they’re shown. Innovators, crusaders, enthusiasts — these sort of people develop their talents, abilities, ideas, concepts, inventions, expressions in thousands of different ways and usually not conforming to conventional standards. Vincent van Gogh did this. An extensive account of his life is given in the valuable source of his voluminous letters to his younger brother Theo, who provided a lot of financial and moral support through Vincent’s thirty-seven years. Those letters provide insight into the emotional and mental struggles of one who was great and never knew it in his physical life. Vincent’s sensitive soul was responsive to his Heart, but his Ego — reinforced and encouraged by his father and the prevailing religious philosophies of the day — always sought to justify his work and life to others. He was tormented, and in my opinion, the torment resulted directly from his inability to choose, consciously and consistently, his Heart. That daily choice confronts each of us in the sense that Heart-energy is always operative, always offering answers to those two deepest questions about self-identity and purpose. For example, Ego wants us to be concerned about how others view us, how they think of us, and how we can conform to their expectations. That doesn’t leave much room to respond to Heart, which would urge us to know Self apart from opinions and judgments of anyone else; however, it isn’t to isolate us from them but rather to express Self in love through our purpose. That was the struggle, the conflict in Vincent. He felt as if he never pleased his father, and by extension anyone else. In one of his letters to Theo, he says, “A phrase in you letter struck me: ‘I wish I were far away from everything; I am the cause of all, and bring only sorrow to everybody; I alone have brought all this misery on myself and others.’ These words struck me because that same feeling, exactly the same, neither more nor less, is also on my conscience…” (29). Here is that struggle of not being able to please others by that which he considers the work of his Heart. He can’t conform; conflict ensues, not to mention hinders Heart work. He does hear and heed Heart, though, in spurts, especially the last two years of his life. His work was definitely unique, powerful, moving, and filled with revelation of how he saw life when he released Ego and allowed Heart to be the primary operating system. He understood who he was and created his Purpose: “I want to do drawings which touch some people…In those there is at least something straight from my own heart” (44). Powerful images of the energies of life he sensed when processing via Heart pervade his work. He was great, unrecognized as such during his lifetime. And this brings me back to this thought: The greatness wasn’t in the opinions of others. It wasn’t in how much money he made, because his brother supported him to a large extent. It wasn’t in art critics of his time who were blinded by their own Ego. Greatness — whether acclaimed and rewarded or invisible and quasi-effectual — derives from knowing Self and creating and living Heart-Purpose and the personal truth resulting from that. Bob Dylan does that; Vincent did it, and so does every “great” one. We each have that which makes for greatness, and greatness is not defined by notoriety or power or wealth. Neither is it framed by occupation; we live and develop greatness through our daily work done with heart-energy. Greatness is defined by who we are and what we purpose to do and then live it — live through the conflicts Ego will cause, live through the mountain peak highs and the flooded valley lows. Live You. That is greatness. When we do live core Self through Heart-energy and express love through our Purpose — “I want to do drawings which touch some people…” — then, at least some will notice, will feel and experience the love we share. Whether we feel support or not, we cannot quit on Self, on Heart. And that, my friends, is greatness. Blessings! (Work Cited: Gogh, Vincent Van, and Bruce Bernard. Vincent by himself. London: Time Warner Books, 2004. Print.) I sense change a-blowin’ in the wind. Sounds like Bob Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the Wind” from the 1960’s: “Yes, and how many years can some people exist / Before they’re allowed to be free? / Yes, and how many times can a man turn his head / And pretend that he just doesn’t see? / The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind / The answer is blowin’ in the wind” (http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bobdylan/blowininthewind.html).
Shit, now I don’t feel like I can share my imperfect, newly-hatched poem, but I probably will. It’s from my Heart for today, and it’s all I have to share, despite the earlier doubt I had about my readers maybe being sick of my educational philosophy. By the way, if you are not familiar with the song, which was also a big hit for Peter, Paul, and Mary, you really should look it up. The social and governmental upheavals we experience today mirror the challenges faced in the 60’s, including education. It also happens to be the greatest music generation ever — just sayin’! I can’t get into that tonight, though. However, during days like today, the answer to what occupies my Heart is often blowing in the wind of my soul, to be captured and communicated. At times, Ego speaks strongly, like those in the lyrics above who oppress others or turn their heads from the needs around them; however, Heart says enlighten: show the oppression, lift up the heads of those turning a blind eye. So, I offer this tonight, following last week’s articles on education. The emotions have emanated from somewhere beyond my Ego, that is for sure, because I am almost embarrassed to share this unrevised writing, especially a poem, and the doubts I mentioned. I will share what I have of my imperfect poem because it was my Heart-occupation today. Discerner of Asses You see, I have known them All who ever connected with Me, every one of them. Oh, I wouldn’t know their faces for I have not eyes, yet I am an excellent Discerner of asses — not the biology, no, Rather the energy, but their ass is my point of connection. Yes, Trent, the nurse, Tina, the engineer, Beth, the doctor, Mac, the mechanic, Chrissy, the teacher. But I knew them, the energy was strong when they shared my space: Trent an accountant, Tina, a stylist, Beth, a historian, Mac, an artist, Chrissy, the fashion designer. Oh, I felt it, I of woody birth, I, endued with vibrations of the Universe as they, yet They, humans, chose to arrive here, devoid of eternal knowledge, Descending to be discoverers of their own eternal truth. That’s pretty damn powerful to have to unlearn, but The god-awful hours they spent with their asses planted in Me worked wonders. Oh, I begged, pleaded, made them as uncomfortable as possible, but They learned conformity. They settled in. They learned Pythagorean’s Theorem, but Stayed within the angles; They learned verbal, situational, and dramatic irony, but Never learned the irony that they are Creators made slaves; They fell asleep in Me, but never Awakened to Self, not fully, not yet, but I bless; I hope. They learned, ultimately, the limitations of Ego, Right here, in this classroom. Yes, I am a discerner of asses, and Those who designed me, this room, This learning that is anything but, I know, indeed, are Asses. Okay, I will not even dissect the thoughts for you. If you care to, let me know what you think of this rough piece, summing up my thoughts from last week. Sometimes, it feels my emotions and thoughts are, indeed, just blowin’ in the wind, but I have to harness that energy. Occasionally, it requires more effort, and today was one of those days. I hope you gather some meaning from it all. Blessings! (My apologies to Bob Dylan for even mentioning him in the same article as this poem!) |
Questions to consider:How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really? What is my truth? How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe? What would I do with my life if I could do anything? What is my passion? Why am I here? How can I discover answers to any of these questions? If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you! Archives
December 2019
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