Today, I would like to share a personal practical example that illustrates the internal conflict of the heart and the ego. It made me think of an apt analogy — at least apt to me. All of my adult life, I have not enjoyed eating by myself in public. I am not a hundred percent sure why. I know that I have strong ego protection, probably because of my childhood with parents affected by alcoholism. Maybe that translates into feeling abandoned and that’s maybe what I feel when I am alone at a restaurant or any public place. This isn’t something that I face regularly, but it is enough that it bothers me. Yesterday, I got the urge to just get out of the house and run a few errands. I knew when I left that I wanted to get something to eat at someplace that had some good craft beer selections. And I wanted to work on my novel since I was going to be alone — internal conflict! Ego: Just get some food and take it home. You’ve got some good beer there, and you don’t have to take your laptop out. Mind: No, I’m hungry and it will be fun. Ego: “But you would feel stupid eating alone. And everyone will look at you with the book bag and computer. Pretentious.” Mind: “No, I don’t care, but I don’t know where to go.” Ego: That’s because you don’t really want to. I turned towards home after stopping at the second store. But I heard my heart. Heart: Where are you going? Quick take a right. Get to the highway. Mind: Okay. I’ll go to Kirkwood. Three choices — Bar Louie, Billy G’s, Kirkwood Brewing, oh, wait, maybe Dewey’s. Heart: Which one? Mind: Well, I can sit outside at Louie, G’s, or Kirkwood. Best beer selection at Kirkwood. Heart: Okay. Go. Mind: But I’m not sure. I’m going to drive past Louie’s and G’s. Just to be sure. Ego: That’s because you don’t really want to go. We’ve had a nice 15 minute drive on a beautiful day. Go home and write. Mind: Maybe. Look at the crowd at Louie’s. G’s just two minutes away. Ego: Just go home. Mind: Here. Wow! The patio is full. I pull through the public parking lot twice — no spots. Ego: Easy to just go home. Mind: Just get to public parking by Kirkwood Brewing — one minute. Ego: Fine. Think about twenty or thirty bucks gone for everything you have at home. And you won’t even work on the novel because you will look stupid carrying in a computer. Mind: I know. I should have put the computer in the small leather portfolio, not my book bag. I look like I’m going to school. Ego: Okay, go home. Mind: I’m parked. Okay, what am I going to do? I actually got out of the car, opened the back door, and reached in to get my book bag when it struck me. Mind: This is really stupid. I’m so embarrassed. I’m going home. I closed the back door and just paused in silence for a second, looking around to make sure no one was watching. Just stood there. Then… Heart: What in the fuck are you doing? Open that door, get the computer, and get your ass in there. Look at yourself. I looked at my reflection in the window — long, curly hair, for me. Heart: You don’t care what anyone says about your hair. Why in the hell do you care about carrying a book bag in an almost deserted restaurant. Are you going to get your ass in there? “Yes.” I opened the door, reached in quickly, and grabbed the book bag. Two hours later, I had eaten a great veggie wrap, drunk a Scotch ale and an oatmeal stout, and revised two and half chapters of my novel. And made a new friend with the bartender, who will probably be my means to getting my scuba certification and whose sister is now an editorial contact. Success. My heart won: I won. My ego tried valiantly to protect itself, to keep from the pain and feelings of being alone and feeling abandoned, which I wasn’t. I don’t go through life thinking in dialog as above. I do become aware of the source of my thoughts, though. Here is the analogy. My mind is like the hard drive of a computer, where most life data lives and is stored. The ego and the heart are like operating systems, which makes all that data in the hard drive interact with the rest of data out there in the world. Unlike computers, we have the instantaneous choice to use either Microsoft or iOS. I don’t want to assign either system to ego and heart, but that is the way I see them. Choose the heart operating system and true Self is expressed and growth and blessing to others occurs; choose ego operating system and protect a stagnant, mediocre, resigned life — yuck! I t is a process in becoming self-aware and choosing the heart operating system. I value all parts of my being, but I will choose which I allow to integrate all of me to all of you.
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I already liked J.K. Rowling. I mean if she only had Harry Potter and if she only had the story that she outlined the whole magical world while she was on welfare, I guess that would have been enough to garner my admiration. However, she has created a mega-fan following and constantly keeps in touch with bazillions of people. Oh, and she has continued writing both fiction and a play. Then, she speaks cogently and incisively on social and political issues. That’s the element that prompted this post. On Monday, May 16, Rowling spoke at the PEN Literary Awards Gala. Her focus? The disturbing tendency to attempt silencing voices of those who don’t happen to agree with us: censorship. She referred specifically to a petition that had circulated in Great Britain to not allow Donald Trump into the country — something like 500,000 signatures. While Rowling said that she disagrees with almost everything Trump says, she fervently defends his right to say it. Some of her words capture the essence of the divisive and arrogant attitudes on both sides of this political season, especially when social issues are at stake. A democratic dialog and the ability to understand one another’s position has been lost in the heated passion of misguided extremism. I remember the words of Martin Luther King here: “I have decided to be an extremist for love.” If we’re going to be extreme, then that is the issue to engage in. Then, we will tolerate and respect the views of others. This inability to listen, think, analyze, and problem solve — rather than screaming at each other and resorting to abusive, fallacious ad hominem statements — reveals a decline in our education system as well as the desperate state of far too many who have not come to know Self. Almost no better proof of this exists than can be seen in the absolutely ridiculous amounts of money spent on thirty second political ads that only attack opponents. What an absolute freaking waste that would be for an enlightened public, and such ads would have zero impact. Politicians and their peeps have the right to do it, and I’m glad they do because it illustrates my point. We need to know our hearts and respond from them — not ego. We should be able to dialog and find solutions. I don’t even say compromise, because if enlightened dialog were the norm, I believe that ideas would evolve that neither side had considered. Referring to Trump, Ms. Rowling makes the point that if her “offended feelings can constitute a travel ban on Donald Trump,” she would “have no moral grounds on which to argue that those offended” by issues that she cares for would be able to silence her, too. I love the next statement: “If you seek the removal of freedoms from an opponent simply the grounds that they have offended you, you have crossed a line to stand along tyrants who imprison, torture and kill on exactly the same justification.” Then, Ms. Rowling shares the story and words of Tal al-Mallohi, an 18 year old Syrian girl who was imprisoned because she wrote this in a blog post she made: “With rational thought, two great souls from here and from there can agree with each other, irrespective of the vast separation of time and space. Oh my brother human, if I disagree with you in thoughts, principles and beliefs, does this deny the fact that we are both human? All you and I have to do is respect each other, tolerate the views of your opponents coolly and patiently. While listening to them, do not think to respond without listen to all opposing opinions.” She is still in prison since 2009. We need to be careful about our demands and simple majority rules. An ego-driven majority that declares something offensive and seeks to silence or eliminate the offense is not right. It is not about right and wrong. I have borrowed extensively from the Mashable site, so I am giving the link here: http://mashable.com/2016/05/17/jk-rowling-donald-trump-speech/#Qn9pRXnFu8q3. The work of PEN is, in part, to spotlight stories of writers at risk like Tal al-Mallohi’s, and they do an amazing job. Check out their website. AND during this political season think about what we have and what it takes to preserve enlightened discourse, and when you look at the stories of the oppressed on the PEN website, I hope you see that there is no place for censorship and threats because we don’t agree with someone. Become self-aware so that you can be aware of others, so that hearts can be the filter and source of debate rather than the ego. Paradoxes become such when we don’t know what to choose or how to think. When we do, we can create a paradise. Many times, paradoxes would never be such if we already know who we are, what we want, where we are going, and how to get there. I am not where I want to be today, in some ways. In other ways, I am, because I’m headed towards my vision. I’m living my vision now (just not as fully as I will be), and the work, interactions, and relationships in which I engage are all part of that. This is part of creation, and the reality is that we are all exactly where we are because we created it. When we aren’t purposeful, we create unexpected and unknown ends. Then, the choices that we have to face in the present often appear as paradoxes. That is because we have not heard our hearts and don’t know who we really are. How many people ask that question of themselves? If we don’t know Self, then life purpose and its visions will not be there to give the framework to make decisions, which causes some choices to appear paradoxical as regards ego-heart interactions. Example? “I’m supposed to follow my heart, but if I follow my heart, I won’t be able to pay the rent.” That’s a biggie. That’s also ego talking. If one is in that situation, small incremental steps got her there, and small incremental steps can get her out. They must be steps, though, that are taken which can fulfill life purpose in some way that day, in some way make that true Self known. If the vision is clear, those little steps will get us to our vision. I have to believe that because that’s where I am right now. And I’m saying that it works. When life in general seems so unhappy to many people, they blame others or fate or bad luck or something else, anything else, rather than recognizing that we are where we are because we created our current life. Blame is an ego coping mechanism, and I can guarantee you that it never helps you feel better. When all is said and done, blame does not help one iota. Please know this: blame is as worthless as guilt and fear when it comes to our emotions and outlook on life. Instead we should take responsibility for why we are where we are right now. There is a powerful aspect to taking responsibility; it says that you are a creator, which means that you can re-create your life. Rather than saying, “This job sucks, and I wouldn’t be here if that first company hired me. Look what they missed. It’s their fault.” Uh-uh. No, it’s not. You took the job you have. You could have refused it. But many reason “If I refused it, then I would be broke.” How can you possibly know that? AND, what did your heart say? If you had the counsel of your heart, you would either have a different job or you would be just fine where you are. So, what’s the big deal? Peace in your mind and emotions. Contentment with now. Enthusiasm for where you’re headed. Joy in life. The ego will say it’s overwhelming to try and figure it all out. The heart says it’s not. Abraham Lincoln understood this: “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” How? It’s so complicated, the ego says. Abe said, “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” That’s it. Today, one day, this day, we speak with our hearts, get the vision clear, and know that whatever step we take towards the vision that expresses Self in life purpose is an act of creation of our future. No paradoxes. Only our own personal paradise. I am not pretending that yesterday’s and today’s posts comprehensively cover the topic of faith, but I would like to make a few more connections. Faith is like the cement that holds together elements of our spiritual self and the dynamics that make up an enlightened life. Faith binds our hearts, the Spirit of and in all, life purpose, and creation of the expression of Self in this world. In other words, faith produces unity of Self, Spirit, and our own creations. In his classic Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill says that “Faith removes limitations.” Neither you nor I can create anything beyond what we see without faith — “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11: 1). Faith makes the vision happen, manifests the vision in our daily lives. Without faith, we exist in a dreary life devoid of love and hope. If we don’t have faith, we can’t trust anyone in a love relationship of any kind. Likewise, we have no hope that things will ever be any different from that which we can currently observe. In Paolo Coelho’s The Alchemist, we are given the reason that we need faith and the lie that faith defeats: “…at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.” Faith gives us control over our own fates. We can create our fate because we believe in and tap into eternal Spirit. How does that happen? Through awakening to our own hearts. We don’t have to accept the world’s paradigms that we receive through ego. We can have the treasure of our own hearts expressing core Self: “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also” (Matthew 6:21 King James Version). The treasure of Self and our life purpose cannot be known without an intimate relationship with our hearts. We declare our faith in our vision that is generated by Self and Spirit in the course and actions of our daily life. We are consistent and persistent — hallmarks of faith. Such a declaration, though, is often met with less than enthusiasm, and it’s important to understand what’s at stake. When we declare our faith, it is analogous to foretelling our future: we become true prophets. However, someone who knows about faith, Jesus of Nazareth, makes clear the anticipated response from others who are not awakened, who have not come to know core Self or walk in the fellowship of their heart: “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his own household” (Matthew 13:57 NASB). Those who live with ego as their drive and filter are threatened by heart-driven souls, and that may manifest in different ways: anger, logical reasons as to why your vision is unrealistic, ridicule, etc. If we are denied our voice and vision, though, if we are unwanted as our core Self, then we need to move on. The miracles that we will be living will never be appreciated: “And [Jesus] did not many miracles there because of their unbelief” (Matthew 13:58 NASB). No faith, no miracles. Whether the statement is in reference to others or ourselves, it’s just as valid — no faith, no miracles. We must, if we are to honestly and in faith live our true Self, believe that we have direct link with the Spirit. Faith allows us to visualize so clearly that our decisions produce consistency and persistency in our life purpose. Just move it. Do it. Keep the faith. Move in faith. Live the faith in Self and Spirit. Faith — a powerful quality, emotion. It denotes a strong trust, an unquestioning belief in someone or something. When exercised by anyone, the object of that faith cannot be physically seen, because it’s in a concept, an abstract, something so powerful that it is supernatural in its aspect. In what do we place our faith? Most folks who are spiritual or religious would say that they exercise faith in God. Non-spiritual types might still exercise faith in seemingly immutable laws of science, but that doesn’t change lives or give guidance; it’s not supernatural. I’m talking life-changing, directing, guiding type faith here. I don’t mean the sort of thing where people say they believe in someone else or put faith in another human, because that is not the same and there are no guarantees. The type of faith I’m considering implies an unequivocally positive outcome, even if the exact means there is not necessarily known. When that sort of faith is operative, we order our lives around it. The degree to which we do that says something about the strength of our faith. If our strong expression of belief called faith affects our lives, then it is our belief that is the operative, functioning factor — not the beliefs of others. This belief in something external to self, though, determines behaviors and words, but it doesn’t create. We are, indeed, co-creators with the Infinite — God, Universe, Spirit — and we must exercise just as much faith in ourselves, our own hearts if we wish to create something, manifest our core Self to the world, i.e., we must have faith in our own hearts if we are to discover and create the reality of our life purpose. True and personal creation does not occur without this faith in ourselves. Faith, though, in both Self and the Spirit means that we do something, otherwise it is not true faith. If we don’t live our faith, then we haven’t truly believed, and that is exactly what distinguishes faith from common “I believe that” scenario. In the Book of James in the New American Standard Bible, James says “Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself. But someone may well say, “You have faith, and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works” (2:17, 18). If we come to know Self and wish to create the vision that we hold of living core Self, then we will make decisions and take actions that carry us in that flow. Example? That which I am doing right here, right now. Starting five years ago, I wrote a rudimentary volume of poetry, which I have refined and expanded. Then, about two years ago I wrote a novel. This past November, I wrote about 50,000 words of the second novel in the series. But you know what? I worked in spurts, and did not work daily. Doing this daily writing, while continuing my other writing, makes me a writer. I have faith that as a writer I continue to help people discover, just as I helped students to discover in the classroom in years past. I needed to exercise a more intense faith and commit to a course of action that declares what my vision is. Most of my days are taken up with writing now, because that’s what a writer does. I am not sure where it is all going, but that is part of faith, too. I’m working towards it: I am showing my faith by my works. How about you? You can say you trust in God, but that will make for an incomplete life if you have not come to know and trust your heart. God wants you to trust; the Spirit roots for us to know; our own hearts expect us to hear. What would you do if you have begun to awaken to self? How about a few lines from my novel, The Fellowship of the Heart? Eric: “Now you sound like my heart…What are we to do with this awakening?” Alaun: “What you are doing now. Go to work and seek to follow your heart. Whatever grief or joy you encounter will only lead you forward, if your vision is clear and you have the strength…” Such strength only comes from sure faith, so move in the sphere that you have created to this point. If you hear your heart, speak to that Self day by day. Get that vision of your purpose and how you will live it clear, and just keep going forward, making decisions based on that truth and that reality. It has been a process for me, and it is never finished, but it is always fresh and positive when we walk according to faith. |
Questions to consider:How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really? What is my truth? How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe? What would I do with my life if I could do anything? What is my passion? Why am I here? How can I discover answers to any of these questions? If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you! Archives
December 2019
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