“Deep down, I manipulated the way others thought so that I would look good to them.” Anne Lafarnge Does that sound familiar at all? Maybe you are not that duplicitous, consciously, but in some ways we have all done this. Don’t we manipulate others’ thoughts when we project ourselves a certain way for the express purpose of trying to gain some sort of emotional response? What about when we want them to think we are a little different than those who know us best? Sometimes, what we feel naturally expresses itself in our body language. We may very naturally look sad about something, but sometimes we affect sadness in order to gain sympathy. “What’s wrong? You look so down.” Or maybe it’s more like “Wow! That’s a big wad of cash you are carrying.” Fronts and affectations. You can project yourself in a myriad of ways and evoke responses from others, and when it is done to manipulate them — whether consiously or not — then it comes from ego. Maybe our ego is hurt or needs to be stroked, so we slavishly try to conform to others’ expectations, even though it’s not the true you or me. The important thing to remember is that if we are not displaying our core Self, then people won’t identify with us or relate to us in the way we need — a genuine relationship. That only creates more ego needs, and a vicious circle begins. So, what’s an alternative? The opening quote introducing this post is spoken by Anne Lafarnge, one of the main characters in my novel, The Fellowship of the Heart. The novel traces the self-awakening of Eric and Anne Lafarnge. The voice of their own hearts helps them. Anne is brought to the realization that she has constructed an image of herself to project to others, an image that effectively manipulates the way others think about her. This hides who she really is, and it has prevented her from joy and sincerity in her life as well as causing problems in her marriage. Do you think it would do the same to us? I know it has for me at times. We want people to think well of us or fear us or feel sorry for us, etc., so we give a false sense of who we are — consciously or not. The only solution is to listen to that inner voice. It might help to read the novel, but you can’t quite yet! You can, however, begin speaking to your heart at any time. I do frequently. I ask. I listen. I think. Who am I, really? Am I living that Self and not trying to project anything to anyone?(Extremely challenging for me; maybe not as much for you.) What is my purpose? What is my vision? Am I doing what I’m doing because it is directly involved in living my purpose (or at least indirectly and helping me move that way)? Anne Lafarnge discovers Self, purpose, and vision. What about you?
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Like everything else in life, we get to choose how we respond to frustrations that we encounter. No sense in denying that they happen, and there is a lot of sense in choosing to look at them as challenges that have the potential to propel us forward in our heart’s purpose. However, there is a lot of harm in not acknowledging them and dealing with them in a deliberate, positive manner. Unattended, unresolved, and ignored frustrations can damage us. Many times when I refer to the ego, it sounds negative. I have said, though, that it has a function or it would not be a component of us humans. When we ignore frustrations, our egos tell us we are hurt and wounded, and we start building defenses and protections to assuage that pain. This creates dysfunction in our operating systems, the most important being that we lose part of our core self identity due to ego operation and are hindered, then, in following our heart and creating our vision. So much to explain here, but I don’t know how profitable or necessary it is. I do know, though, that the alternative offers great benefits. I have spent the last three days trying to figure out why I can’t post this link from my Facebook page. I was doing that every day until then. I still, as I write this, have not figured it out, and that means that I have probably spent no less than six hours at different times working on it. Yes, frustration! Of course, LinkedIn is giving me the same response, so somewhere in my computer is something like a virus, add-on, or plug-in that those sites don’t like. I look at coding, but I might as well be looking at Egyptian hieroglyphs, except that I can at least see anomalies. But I really don’t know what I even need to fix. Ugh! Yes, see, frustration. I made the deliberate determination almost immediately that I was NOT going to let my writing be unannounced. I consciously spoke with my heart: I was not going to let my purpose and vision be muted. I have done a few different things, including getting the word out on other platforms — probably not well, but it has expanded my knowledge of these and helped me to see how many platforms can work synergistically. I am always learning and discovering, so I had to learn this. I know at times in my past where not dealing with frustration has defeated me in some ways and kept me from achieving goals. Not this time, though, and not when it directly involves my expression of self and love to others. Focused frustration means acknowledging it and meeting the challenges. It tests in some ways how real our vision is, whether we will keep moving forward in positivity. That is the way to deal with it — keep moving forward and resolving the problem or reframing how our goals can be met minus the frustration, because maybe we don’t need the objective that has caused the frustration. So, we defeat it or go around it. Focused frustration can produce determination and provide a reminder of just how important our visions are. Such frustration can expand our knowledge as we are driven to meet challenges and resolve conflicts — internal or external. Some good focused frustration can help us eliminate self-doubt. Will we let anything stand in the way of making Self known, of making connections, and of making meaning in our lives? Onward and upward! Think Christmas morning. No, think way beyond that. Think children seeing the gifts. No, more than that. Think that all those shiny gifts have been opened and the bright, smiling eyes spy the big, wet, fluffy flakes outside the window quickly piling up on the lawn, the sidewalk, and the street. Outside! Bouncing up and down. Tongues sticking out through an otherworldly smile. Yes, think of that! Now, if you would, think of this: “…the kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Mark 10:14 NASB). Little children, that is. Much is made about the children being humble, but I think the facet of humility that is portrayed as some false modesty is one of those molds that religion forces people to fit. The humility has to do with the characteristics of a child filled with child qualities of being in wonder and awe at the thought of this magnificent Universe through which the Spirit moves. A child, deep down inside in the very depths of the heart that connects with Spirit, simply rejoices, not thinking of self as being anything other than at one with IT all. That is humility, the knowledge that all is working together for good, and the egoic self doesn’t get a place of preeminence. “Look at the snow! Look! I caught a flake on my tongue! Isn’t it beautiful!” Yes, it was just this morning, with flakes — as a friend described — like potato chips. My puppies knew it, too, on our early morning walk. At one point, we all thrust our faces skyward in wonder. I felt it; I knew it — the abandoned joy. Same thing last night when I finally figured out how to get the Medium posts on Facebook and LinkedIn. Core self that exalts in all things working together for the good and right and love and peace — so much here — can result from any of hundreds of little daily events when we operate from the heart. No groveling for recognition, bitchy complaining for sympathy, no false humility to show how great one is — none of it plays when we follow the fellowship of our heart. Are we perfect? Lol! So, next time we get yucky, let’s think about the snowflakes or the beach or our pets or even the genuine, unadulterated laughter of a little child. And then, smile, laugh, give thanks, and experience the kingdom of God. “Recapture the childlike feelings of wide-eyed excitement, spontaneous appreciation, cutting loose, and being full of awe and wonder at this magnificent universe.” Thank you, Wayne Dyer. The film Dead Poets Society employs a poem of Robert Frost’s and an essay by Henry David Thoreau. Frost’s “The Road Not Taken” is really not so much a poem about the non-conformity of choosing a less-traveled road as it is about the chooser’s attitude towards the road taken. The roads are equal — Frost makes that point three times; the travelers, us, bestow the unique, non-conformist value on the road, the direction we choose to travel and the lives we experience. Motive gives purpose and value that only the individual can look back on and be satisfied with. The non-conformity is in making our choice rather than letting others choose for us. That brings us to Thoreau’s famous quote from Walden: “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Then, the not so well-known following sentence: “What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.” Boom! Get it? How many people just resign themselves to the fact that there are no other choices: “Gotta make a living.” “What choice do I have?” “I don’t like it, but I’m not the boss.” Translation? I have no hope. News: you don’t have to accept any of that. Reality: If you change it, you have to work your mind and ass off. Reward: you live with enthusiasm, positivity, the ability to face and overcome challenges, and the blessings of significance, self-awareness, and love (and a whole lot of other great benefits). I know the questions that I have heard and could ask you. Things like How would it feel to get up in the morning with excitement? Blah, blah, blah. Such questions are valuable, but until you make an intentional choice to live your heart, you cannot fathom how those questions could be answered. So, begin with the choice, as Thoreau stated in the same work, “…to live deliberately.” Deliberate with your heart. Know yourself. Know that you choose purpose and vision for yourself. No matter what stage of life you are in, if you are resigned to the impossibility of deliberate choice to learn yourself, determine your purpose, and create your vision, you have lost hope. Listen to a bit more of Thoreau: “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately…and see…what [life] had to teach. I did not wish to live what was not life….I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life…” What is the cost of resignation? Thoreau knew that he might get to the end of his life and “discover that I had not lived.” Are you moving down the road you have designed? Do you value that road as one of significance and satisfaction? If not, I’m willing to bet that you are questioning who you really are, why you are here, and why you have no choice. Accept it, and then change it. If you say, “I can’t. I’m stuck,” then you just confirmed your desperation. How does that feel? If you want to feel differently, you know what to do. Resign the resignation. What have you deliberately chosen? It’s not a one time deal, you know. If you discover that the the road you are traveling is no longer yours because there is no joy, no sense of You, no sense of purpose, and no vision for anything beyond the workday, then maybe it’s time to speak to your heart, make some choices, and build a road of significance and satisfaction for You to take. This St. Patrick’s Day, 2016, I have been thinking about how men and women are recognized as saints. The Roman Catholic Church has quite a process in arriving at a declaration of sainthood: first, persons being considered are known as Servants of God; then, as investigations proceed, they rise to the title of Venerable; next, one miracle lands them in the category of Blessed — they are beatified; finally, two miracles and they are in — Saint. Quite a lengthy process that can only begin after one has been dead at least five years!
Miracles. I like that idea. Many people consider them as supernatural, and in some ways they are. They seem to be impossible things, but I always remember the words of the angel to Mary: “For nothing will be impossible with God” (Luke 1:37 NASB), not to mention Jesus’ own words of “with men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26 KJV). As a concept, impossible doesn’t exist when we enlist the right source. And that begins in our heats, in knowing self, in continual fellowship with our own hearts, which links us to Spirit — our Source, God. Those identities of oneness with God, the statement that we are made in the image of God and the definition that God is Spirit — -well, to me, all that says we have immense power, and it is power that we all have access to and can live in every day. We have all we need within us! That takes me back to the saints. It’s wonderful that there have been such men and women who decided to live in a very conscious and real way in connection with the Spirit. The miracles that they performed were not just one or two that could be corroborated, but they happened daily when they discovered Self and determined that their purpose would be to share that Self with the world. They did it out of love and lived that love before all in their purpose and vision — days upon days upon weeks upon weeks… . You get it, right? Now, for all those they’s in the previous paragraph, substitute I. Look at you, you little miracle worker, You! Yes, we can know Self and have such love that we realize others need that unique one who is You, and we need them. When we have that sort of love, we develop purpose and mission to realize those wonderful connections. That’s when miracles begin. To end this thought on this special day, remember that St. Patrick had no publishers, no radio or television broadcasts, no targeted social media platforms — he simply loved and lived that love. That kind of love initiates miracles. Love finds a way, and that kind of love emanates from us! Slainté. |
Questions to consider:How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really? What is my truth? How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe? What would I do with my life if I could do anything? What is my passion? Why am I here? How can I discover answers to any of these questions? If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you! Archives
December 2019
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