Sometimes, chance meetings spur more interesting thoughts than usual, but such times occur because we focus attention on certain things and draw energy to those ideas.
Last night while walking the dogs, I encountered a man who lives three or four blocks away. Two things made last night different than most. We often see each other and let the dogs socialize for five or ten minutes while we talk. We met months ago like this and meet maybe three or four times a week. Last night, though, was over a full hour later than normal. That was the first difference. The second was we have never spoken about what either of us do. I was thinking about the work I still had to do to edit and publish my article last night, so after a few minutes, I said, “I better get going. I still have to get my writing published for the night.” He asked me about it, and I briefly told him I have published every day for almost a year. He thought I worked for somebody. I told him I did it simply because I’m a writer and that was what I wanted to do. He then asked about my topics. I told him I wrote about self awakening and how I live and help others discover the answers to those two big life questions: Who am I? What is my purpose? Immediately, he said something along the lines of this: “Wow! You write about deep philosophy. How does anybody answer those questions?” Now, this man is sociable and has gone out of his way to visit when we see each other on our walks. He is probably younger than me or close to my age (older!) and seems like he is a career white collar guy. Maybe. Anyway, the thought struck me, although I didn’t say it to him but will at some point, that those questions really aren’t deep philosophy. They are basic desires of every human soul to know. We long to know those. I only need to mention them in an appropriate social context and they spur conversation pretty quickly. Deep philosophy doesn’t normally do that. My point is Awakening is not an uncommon question, although it is spoken about in a number of different terms, nor is it complicated. We don’t address it because Ego doesn’t like to do that. Therefore, when I was reading my novel this morning and thinking about last night, I wondered if maybe my characters seemed overly focused on their own spiritual states. Then, I thought about how where we set our attention attracts energy. I don’t think it’s uncommon at all if people are questioning their own spiritual state to draw interest and responses from others. I need to ensure my characters are realistic in their interactions. I think they are — at least as realistic as I am in my own. There’s the possibility that others may think of me as some sort of weirdo nut case, but I’m fairly certain that’s not so! So, in my novel, when Eric Lafarnge goes through months of self-doubt and soul exploration, people notice, especially his colleagues and wife. When he comes to that point of discovering core Self and creating a purpose, the same ones see a dramatic change in him; some count it as positive, some do not. When such attention is drawn, others speak about it. It’s on their minds. This phenomenon interests me as a writer. Some people talk about a lot of things, but their talk just doesn’t create much interactive, meaningful response. As a writer and observer of life, that’s when I know the things they are speaking of have little to do with their true energy flow: they see little attraction to their words. I’m not belaboring this. I share it because such thoughts are my focus right now. These are things this writer thinks about. What’s occupying your thoughts these days?! Blessings!
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As I have begun thinking about my novel again, I consider characters’ words and the intents and motivations behind them. By association, this makes me thinks about the value of words.
Some people say words are cheap or meaningless. They can be, but they can be powerful and life-changing, too. Those intents, the motive force behind them make all the difference. The morphemes, syllables, words, sentences may all sound the same, but what backs them up? Sincerity? Honesty? Love? Self-gratification? Malice? Duplicity? Furthermore, what are the implications of the words? Whenever anyone speaks, they usually know what the end of those words are. Kind of reminds me of some of the hearings for senate confirmations of cabinet members or supreme court justices here in America. Sometimes, the nominees will answer with good sounding phrases or jargon, but the senators who interview the nominees are, at times, astute enough to follow up, trying to grab hold of the implications. That’s when insincerity or misdirection can be discovered. These thoughts came from my own Heart today when it challenged me about some of my own words, words that I meant when I spoke them but Ego played on them. So often, we speak words with good intentions, but when we allow Ego to be our operating system, the words get twisted and taken in a different direction. The good intentions are lost. So, that is what happened for a few days with me. I said, spoke the words, that I would pick up rewriting my novel after my ebook was finished. I didn’t do that, but rather sat exhausted. Ego convinced me I was exhausted. How? I’ve said before that Hearts shoot straight, and today I was called out on something I’ve done for years. I have always justified this — through Ego as I discovered today — as being part of my composition: I rationalize that I invest myself so intensely in anything I do that when I’m finished, I am spent and need a recovery time. While true to a small extent, it shouldn’t be weeks or months. Heart exposed to me and I discovered when I am delaying, procrastinating, justifying like that, I’m probably working out of Ego motive. When I accomplish Heart-motivated goals and think about moving on to the next, if it’s Heart-motivated, I should be excited and jump on it. I did that this morning because of these things Heart showed me as we fellowshipped early on. I’m excited about that, encouraged. I worked for a bit on my novel. Why does Ego interfere by trying to run some energy through the by-passed Ego circuitry? It knows Heart Purpose will take me out of my comfort zones and into areas that require risk of failure. I have through Ego power assiduously avoided failure. No more. My desire to express core Self, Heart, through my writing and speaking, my created Purpose, has taken me straight back to the novel. Ego would caution me because I have no idea how others will receive or react to my writing. They will be published. Sorry Ego. I continue to grow, even though I’ve been around a long time. Last year at this time when I was so excited about my novel — deep down I think I knew how underdeveloped it was — I allowed Ego to influence me. Before I started my daily posting, I put out a video about the novel asking for beta readers. When my video got 6,400 views, Ego ate that up — security, safety, comfort zone. Many former students made me feel good about my teaching career. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the response, but Ego used it to slow me down: “See. Maybe you should teach again or maybe just find a simple job, knowing you’ve fulfilled your life purpose by positively affecting so many young people.” The intensity of my fellowship with my Heart as I have produced daily posts, written the ebook based on those, and begun rewriting the novel has been a time of Self-exploration and discovery, something I really value: growth in being Me and doing what I value. My words in the past year were not fully informed by Heart. And this is my ultimate point today: My words were sincere, and some of them were powerful. The motive force was Heart, but I had growing to do. When Heart has been involved and words are shared in love, growth and fulfillment will follow. And souls will be blessed. In my novel, I wish to create characters in words and actions with whom readers my identify. My purpose is to in all simplicity give a touchstone to help others discover Self and awaken to Heart. All people long to have the spiritual questions answered, questions posed by Heart to the soul and mind: Who am I? What is my Purpose here? Discovering those answers opens the Universe to us, especially our internal one. Blessings! This morning I referred to sharing parts of my life in public forums like this. Then, I thought about that and realized I’m not sharing hardly anything at all.
Sharing involves a mutual exchange. I’m basically displaying, telling you, announcing. I don’t know if that makes my point from this morning any more valid or not, but I think it might. I tell about parts of my life to give some context and to illustrate how I apply, respond to, and just plain old live the things I write about. It’s not so easy at times — the living part, that is. Because I write about my life does not, should not, imply I have anything figured out. I don’t even feel a compulsion to have it all figured out. In fact, I don’t need to have it all figured out. Why? This is simple: we never arrive, never will have it all together. We’re eternal, no end. So no need to worry. Just keep moving forward and creating. For me, that means when I face personal struggles and challenges, I count those as part of the journey that somewhere, somehow, some way I ordained so that I could work through them. Is that pleasant? Is it pain free? Do I remain calm, cool, and collected through it all? Hell, no. But here’s the difference when I know Heart: I have that part of me that is my direct link, my direct being and essence to and of eternal Spirit. I need to allow Heart to remind me of that, to allow Heart to run soul and mind. At times, I walk that journey not knowing in any way what lies ahead on a darkened path; however, I have the love of Heart to provide light enough for where I stand and the next step I take. I need to question and explore myself, my interior cosmos, by allowing Heart-light to expose the dark areas, ego-bound processes and shadow selves, in order for growth to occur. That’s all I need to know. Growth occurs, and one awakened to self brooks neither stagnation nor stubborn ego refusal to change — at least not for long. With this mindset, sometimes I fall into an ego pattern of putting urgent pressure on myself to meet deadlines and my own and others’ expectations. Therein lies one of the changes I am undergoing — eliminating urgency due to anyone else’s expectations. I am not setting myself up nearly as frequently for such situations. And it’s not even by telling people no to things; it’s just by keeping my mouth shut about offers and deadlines. Why do I share this today? Ever since finishing the basic draft of my ebook, I have struggled every single day over some aspect of what I write, including what I will continue to write in my daily posts. Now, this is not a struggle due to urgently applied expectations, but rather this is my Heart Purpose, and that, as I said last night, is not optional. I know the limits and my mission and when things may change. Until then, part of the challenge and struggle to produce is a growth process I desire. I know my medium term goals are to get my ebook published and to reinitiate work on my novel while, for now, posting every day. Those things bring me joy through purpose, and they also bring opportunity to explore and discover more about myself. In the meantime, I certainly hope my work brings some sort of value to others. So, while challenged and struggling through self-development, exploration, and discovery, I enjoy my work and seek to raise awareness for others to discover Self. I would love to fellowship with many of my readers in our Heart work. Those times will come, times of The Fellowship of the Heart. Blessings! “And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor” (Declaration of Independence).
Couldn’t help but think of this today. I was reading through part of my ebook — yes, it remains untitled! — about “Fellowship with Your Heart.” In this 6th “Elements of Awakening,” I write, “This element of Awakening thrills me, mainly because it is the spiritual space I experience daily with my Heart, a time of fellowship, a sacred time.” Can you see the sacred connection — well, it’s sacred and sacred? In the Declaration, the signers pledged Lives and Fortunes, but they didn’t term those sacred. The sacred element was their honor, what they stood for and projected with all of their being. In the first part of that sentence, “for the support of this Declaration” they would pledge their “sacred honor.” That honor meant they would live those principle of “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” They would embrace those, be true to those. The sacred connection? That comes from my experience this morning. My writing is always a bit delayed on Wednesdays because it’s garbage pick-up. In addition to getting out our own, which means cleaning out the fridge, I help a few elderly neighbors set theirs out, too. I got a late start and my writing was going along nicely, but I had a relatively early appointment with a student. Guess who didn’t show up? Guess how I felt? Yes, like most people who get stood up, but I was really frustrated. I wasn’t sure why. It was disconcerting, and I spoke to my Heart. I was reminded of a few things. I scheduled the student at a time when I knew I wouldn’t be able to finish my Morning Pages. I did it. The source of my frustration was myself. I have awakened to Heart, know what my Purpose, my Vision, and Mission of life is all about. I created it. I chose it. And imagine that I would get frustrated with a student who didn’t show up for an appointment! I’ve said it before: Heart shoots straight, not to mention being nailed by my own writing! I created my own frustration. While I do not condemn myself, I am more aware. I wrote that the time of fellowship with my Heart is sacred. That means it is set apart, inviolable, and should be demonstrated in my decisions. My Heart wants that morning time. I find my focus and emotions for the day there. Yes, they are not automatic; they are conscious, purposeful choices aligned with my Heart. When I don’t hold that time sacred, I can and should expect frustration. The ends do not justify the means, so when Ego suggests I get going and earn some money, it’s decision time. Is my time of fellowship with my Heart sacred or not? Do I value that? I am worthy of living my personal truth — first and foremost. Honor: I write about living the truth of eternal Spirit in mortal bodies, and I have created how that will happen. I desire to freely live joy, peace, love, and happiness. Oh, that’s kind of like life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness — sacred honor. I enjoy living my Vision, so if my writing is worth reading, it’s worth living. Yes, life holds practical considerations — for most people. And yes, I am working my Mission, and it includes what some may think of as practical considerations. However, I won’t relinquish the belief that everything will fall into place when I hold my work and my Heart-life in sacred honor. I will continue revising my ebook this week, and it gets priority, along with these daily writings. Blessings! This afternoon I wrote about some seemingly minor life experiences today. Do you ever have days like that, you know, days that feel insignificant?
Early this morning, I couldn’t engage my mind or soul in my writing. I felt frustrated. I also felt Ego working its own brand of magic — self-doubt, defeatist programming of my thinking. Yeah, Ego doesn’t stand much of a chance any more. Oh, I still do things many wouldn’t approve of, many would berate or judge me for, but the thing is, I don’t care anymore. I evaluate work, choices, and actions I make, but I attach no judgment, the condemnation type, to it. Almost all such thoughts in the past stemmed from viewing myself through the eyes of others or taking their ideas of good-bad, right-wrong onto myself. Why? That was Ego-stupidity. But this morning, why did it seem I couldn’t get a message from my Heart? Okay, I took a detour. Ego-magic is black magic, I guess. However, Heart-magic can be experienced every day, in the simplest, most mundane situations. So, when I couldn’t write this morning, I progressed from frustrated to restless. I know myself well enough to know when I get like that, I need to do something physical. To my surprise, my Heart had been speaking to me: get up off my ass and move. To do what? This nagging thought kept cropping up. I felt like I needed to get the washer and dryer back in the laundry/mechanical room. Last Wednesday, Thursday, and then yesterday we had two men working here all day putting in a new heating-cooling unit. It took them longer than they thought, but it was a hard job and they were excellent. In fact, we ended up drinking a couple of craft beers together before they left. But one of the guys had arranged for a county inspector to come today — this afternoon. Honestly, the dryer electric receptacle in the room is “iffy,” probably not in county code compliance. I’m not sure, but I didn’t want to risk it. During my restlessness this morning, when I thought I wasn’t hearing Heart, that kept coming to mind. Out of the blue, I jumped up, making my dogs jump, ran into the garage, got pliers, took off two doors to make way for me to move the appliances back in, and muscled them into place. My Heart had been speaking to me: “Move the things back into place. Plug in the dryer and get it off of your mind. Then, write.” I had been planning on asking a friend to help because the area makes for a tight squeeze and the damn washer is heavy enough to be awkward to move by myself. Of course, I moved them out alone, but I don’t even have a furniture dolly. I did it — couldn’t even see the plug. (By the way, it’s perfectly safe, just not pretty!) No sooner had I finished, which settled my soul, made a cup of coffee, and sat down to write when…Ding-dong! The inspector at 8:45 in the morning for the afternoon inspection. There it was, the encouragement I had chosen to feel for the day and the magic of my energy field, which I address every morning. I was encouraged that Heart had been speaking to me in an unaccustomed way. This story is just standard everyday life, but I knew the magic of it. I experienced more magic, too, but ultimately, I ended up writing in my journal and here at my computer. I have enjoyed fellowship with my Heart in this extra way today. However, I heard more. This is my update on my ebook. I am reviewing it with attention to not only mechanics but also voice. A non-fiction work needs voice, and I want it to be me. I have heard the clear voice of my Heart to focus on the writing. Focus is a word I hear often. When I seem to be making little progress, my Heart prods me: “Focus, Michael, focus!” When I’m not sure what to do in those times I start feeling overwhelmed, the first words I hear, something to do before anything else, are “Write, Michael, write.” I learned today that Heart helps in the energy field around me. I didn’t know why, but I was alerted to that inspector showing up four hours early. I feel like a very common day yielded blessings for me in raising even more awareness of my magic. I’ll take it. Blessings to you in understanding yourself, fellowshipping with your Heart, and learning your own magic! |
Questions to consider:How many times have you asked yourself or simply thought about the following questions?
Who am I, really? What is my truth? How do my actions reveal what I really feel and believe? What would I do with my life if I could do anything? What is my passion? Why am I here? How can I discover answers to any of these questions? If you have considered any of these questions, I hope that my experiences and writing will give you some guidance. Please read my blog and comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear from you! Archives
December 2019
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